


It's in you and me

by Drago



Series: Pregnancy is overrated [3]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, College AU, F/M, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Porn Star AU, Pregnancy Kink, awkward stalker behaviours, porn star, sometimes it's funny I think..?, younger!Changmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-10 13:18:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5587138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drago/pseuds/Drago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I apparently write crappy fanfiction when I'm stressed. Go me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I made it easier for you to read, see? Enjoy!

There is an unopened bottle of soju standing on the table in front of Yunho whose eyes are closed. It would seem that he is asleep, but his whole body is too tense, and his hands twitch where they are resting on his lap. Changmin isn’t sure he can handle even more bad news right now. If Yunho decides to leave with JaeJoong, Junsu and Yoochun it might be the end of him. But at least the older man has enough guts to tell him face to face without hiding behind the lawyers.  
“Come on then, tell me.”  
“I’m pregnant,” Yunho’s eyelids flutter open to reveal slightly glossy and red-rimmed chocolate eyes. “It’s JJ’s, obviously.”  
“Oh,” Changmin feels relieved even though it’s even worse for the dancer. “Does he know?”  
“Yes, yes he does. He doesn’t want it. At all. But the company is quite happy about it, now JYJ doesn’t have any say in what they are going to get from SM. If they object to anything the company is going to tell the press that JaeJoong got me pregnant and pushed for an abortion.”  
“But it could ruin our careers?”  
“Yes, but the damage would be worse for them, especially JaeJoong.”  
“So they are going to agree to everything?”  
“Yeah. And Jae will have to sign the papers,” Yunho’s voice shakes. “T… that he doesn’t want the baby. I asked for it, I don’t want to fight him in the future, in case he suddenly changes his mind.”  
For Yunho, who values family more than anything else, the pain must be unbearable. But Changmin thinks that in the long run it’s going to be better for everyone concerned. The baby will be loved one way or another, and it will be JaeJoong who will one day regret not wanting to raise his daughter or son.  
“Here, drink soju for me since I can’t,” Yunho says.  
Changmin is given a choice, of course he is. He can move back with his family, leave Yunho with assistants provided by the company. It wouldn’t be too bad, everyone loves the older man, and Changmin is still a child. He chooses to stay. To help, to support, to show that he is not like the other three.

They fight a lot. No matter what the newspapers say, the pregnancy is neither easy nor pretty, and Yunho spends a lot of time crying while Changmin finds the whole situation extremely frustrating. But then Yunho gives birth to a tiny little boy, and Changmin gets to hold the squirming baby in his arms while the other man rests. He falls in love with little Minjun without noticing.  
They have over a year of peace, just the two of them taking care of the baby, and Changmin is almost sad when their comeback is scheduled. The logical part of his brain tells him that they can’t stay holed up in their flat forever, they need to come back while still relevant, but he would rather sing lullabies than pop songs.  
They succeed like they always do, but Yunho spends half an hour crying in the car because he misses his son so much. They’ve never been apart for more than few hours, and Changmin has to admit that he also isn’t comfortable with how long the separation is going to last. Still, they manage, and through the next few years they come up with a pretty reasonable way of dealing with it. One of the coordi noonas often pretends to be a mother of the boy, so they can bring him with them.  
Changmin goes on a first date in four years. Yunho tells him to wear a stylish shirt which was a gift from Changmin’s mother and wishes him good luck. The younger man has a pretty good time, but leaves quickly after the girl falls asleep. Her body seems to be too soft, too fragile for him. So he tries dating guys, and while sex is much better, he doesn’t think he wants to spend the rest of his life with any of them.  
Minjun is a cute child. Changmin imagines Yunho was exactly the same – easy to be around, easy to love, not fussy. He doesn’t scream much, loves strawberries and playing with toy dinosaurs. Changmin plays with him any time he can, deriving the same amount of pleasure from it as the small boy. After a while he realizes that Minjun probably thinks that Changmin is his father. He tries to talk with Yunho, but the older man doesn’t seem too bothered about it.  
“I mean, we can tell him you are not, but I’m not sure he will understand the difference.”  
In the end they don’t say anything. Changmin reckons he is a far better father figure than JaeJoong could ever be anyway.  
They get really drunk on the New Year’s Eve and end up having sex for hours. Changmin is quite surprised by it, but when he wakes up the next day, temples throbbing with pain, he doesn’t regret a thing. Yunho’s caramel skin is bruised in many places and there is dried semen between his thighs. Changmin loves to see himself all over the other man.  
After that he finds it difficult to tell whether they are a couple of not. Yunho leaves his door closed at night, and never comes when Changmin leaves his open. A week after sex they fight, not like they used to, their voices are barely louder than a whisper, yet it definitely is a fight. It clears up a lot for Changmin. That night, and every single one after, he falls asleep spooning the older man.

When Minjun is eight he finally finds courage to ask. In the middle of a night when they are both exhausted from the whole month of hard work, he whispers his question, “Do you think I could be Minjun’s legal guardian as well?”  
Yunho’s whole body shakes, and for a second Changmin thinks he is being laughed at, but then he touches his partner’s face and realizes that he is crying.  
It turns out to be a yes.


	2. It's a heartbreak, plain and simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things I know about Tiffany and SNSD: nothing, null, nada. I just needed a girl.  
> Also, MinJun is going to be HoMin's baby's name from now on!
> 
>  
> 
> I got some lovely messages and comments, so thank you for that and please on commenting/liking, it gives me a lot of joy!

“They look so cute together,” Amber uses this as a clumsy opening, looking towards the couch where Changmin and Tiffany are sitting, their sides touching. Amber is a sweet girl, but Yunho wishes she would shut up. She doesn’t know anything.   
“They do,” there is no need to deny the truth, they do look good. Both beautiful and slim, with high cheekbones and even higher standards unreachable but mere mortals.   
“Oh so cute, I will cut her in sleep,” the sudden appearance of Boa startles them. She waves dismissively and Amber quickly moves away to join her group.   
“Please don’t cut her in sleep, it’s not her fault he couldn’t keep it in his pants,” Yunho’s hand clenches around the thin glass of a champagne flute. There is no champagne in it, just a lot of vodka with a bit of sparkling apple juice for the right colour.   
“Don’t be naïve Yundol. I wanted to sleep with Kangta for ages, but I won’t go anywhere near his private parts because Hee Jun doesn’t deserve it and, unlike Tiffany, I’m not a raging bitch.”  
“And Kangta, unlike Changmin, wouldn’t do it,” because Kangta has a heart where it’s supposed to be.  
“And that,” Boa agrees, clinking her glass with his. “Should you be drinking? Aren’t you breastfeeding?”   
“Not anymore, I lost milk.”  
“You chest does look a lot smaller. Oh Yundol, if I could, I would take away all the pain you are going through.”

There aren’t many people in their company who know. The more people know, the bigger chance of someone slipping. Everyone knows about their romance, but not about the baby, about MinJun. Why would SM think that Tiffany should be aware of his existence, Yunho still doesn’t know.  
Their romance, while still not quite accepted, was nothing in comparison with Yunho’s pregnancy. People are aware that males who can get pregnant exist in Korea, but it’s unthinkable that an idol could be one of them. The Korean government realizes the value they hold though, so when other males, _normal_ males go to the army, the ones who can carry babies take two years off, usually holding minor positions in said government, or get pregnant. That’s what Yunho did, completely by accident. He could never resist Changmin, they were drunk, condoms, or the lack of them, were not important at the moment.  
He was happy. For the whole year and a half he was happy. But when Changmin left the army everything came crashing down, leaving Yunho confused. He hasn’t done anything wrong, or at least he doesn’t think he did. As the weeks progressed Changmin became angrier, meaner, and finally more withdrawn than he’s ever been. And then Yunho caught him in bed with Tiffany, both naked and panting heavily, Tiffany had a smug smile on her face. It made her look ugly. Changmin’s face was blank and unapologetic, not a hint of remorse in his baby deer eyes. Yunho could deal with the pain and betrayal. He could deal with finding a new flat, with everyone looking at him as if he was going to fall into pieces if someone mentioned his failed relationship. He wasn’t as fragile as some thought him to be.   
What he could not deal was how Changmin pulled away from their child, the only one who didn’t even have a chance to do wrong yet. Yunho tried to discuss it with the younger man, but Changmin refused to hold a proper conversation with him. Then he refused to touch MinJun. Then he just stared at the boy during his visits which were scheduled by the company. And then he stopped coming altogether, but Yunho covered for him, from the sense of misguided solidarity with his band member. What good could forcing Changmin to do something he obviously despised achieve?  
They still worked together like a well-oiled machine, dancing, singing, bickering on stage, and then night after night retiring to the separate rooms or apartments.   
Tiffany gloated feeling victorious, throwing her new relationship in Yunho’s face whenever she was around. She did it until Taeyeon scolded her in front of everyone, not even trying to pretend that she supports Tiffany’s actions. Yunho never felt especially close to the SNSD’s leader, but he sent her a huge bouquet afterwards. Not because he needed someone to fight his battles, but because she seemed to see right through her bandmember’s scheme.  
It did nothing to help his relationship with Changmin. If anything, it made the younger man even angrier and more spiteful, but Yunho was tired of fighting even before they started.

He ignores the couple and everyone who tries to talk to him while he works on getting drunk. Boa is quiet like a ghost next to him, from time to time tutting with disapproval. But he can’t do this without alcohol in his system.   
“I’m going to fuck Siwon,” he announces, possibly a bit too loudly, but no one else notices.  
“It’s a disastrous idea.”  
“It is,” Yunho nods in agreement. “But I’m going to fuck Siwon anyway.”  
He fucks, gets fucked by Siwon. They both know they will never be a couple because Yunho will never be enough for the older man’s family. They don’t know their son likes to fuck guys from time to time, they would never accept that.   
It’s their first time together. There was JaeJoong at first, and then Changmin, Yunho was never the one to cheat. He barely remembers it in the morning when the babysitter brings MinJun back. There is a dried cum between his thighs and flaking off his stomach. His ass burns, so he doesn’t need to remember to know how things went. They take a quick shower, exchanging mostly innocent kisses which bring Yunho comfort before he has to face the new day.   
He takes MinJun to work as often as he can, enjoying every second he gets to spend with his little boy. It would probably be different, he muses, if he didn’t travel so often. If he got to spend every day with his son he’d probably want to catch a break, like normal parents do.   
He lets Siwon carry MinJun because the other man seems less tired. Yunho suspects that the work isn’t the source of his exhaustion. He doesn’t voice that thought, he doesn’t need people pitying him more, even if they probably already know.   
Changmin barely looks at him when he enters the car, but his head snaps up the second Siwon joins them, cooing at the giggling baby.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“I could have called the SuJu driver, but it would be an awful waste of time and money.”  
Changmin squints at them, “Right. You left together. Yunho was wasted, wasn’t he? Should you be drinking?” this time the question is directed at Yunho and accompanied by an ugly smirk.   
“What do you care? And I have no milk left to feed our baby, so what difference does it make?”  
“You..? What? How, why?” suddenly Changmin seems flustered and confused.  
“I’d assume stress,” Siwon’s calm voice cuts the panicking short. His eyes are so dark that they almost look black. He is angry. He won’t let it show, but he can’t hide the anger burning in his eyes. “That’s what happened, you know, when there is too much stress, pain, exhaustion.”  
Changmin’s hands clench into fists, and he turns his head away, defiantly staring through the window at the buildings they’re passing. His whole body is tense, especially the jaw area, he must be suppressing words that want to come out. Yunho is thankful, he would hate to make a scene in front of Siwon and their driver.

The few next weeks are intense. SM is preparing for a big show with many groups performing, and Yunho has bruises on his arms and legs from the harness. He can see Changmin wince a lot which means that he isn’t alone in his discomfort, but he feels that his might be a bit worse because of the quite recent pregnancy. Changmin still comes out with Tiffany and other people from the company, while all Yunho can do is rest with an ice pack on his abdomen. It’s Heechul who finally drags him to the doctor, and it’s Heechul who has a shouting match with Changmin when the younger man comments on Yunho’s poor performance during the final rehearsal.   
The performance itself goes alright, it could go better, but everyone else is satisfied. Yunho’s heart wasn’t really in it. He went through the motions, he’s been doing this for years, with sufficient motivation he could probably do it in sleep. There is an obligatory party afterwards to strengthen the sense of community within SM, but for the first time in years he feels like he doesn’t belong. He can’t drink on the meds prescribed by the doctor, so he watches as others have fun while he stays huddled in the corner of a couch. Heechul tries to stay by his side, but the older man is a party animal and soon gets lost in the crowd. Two hours seem to be enough, and when he tries to leave unnoticed he overhears drunk Tiffany arguing with a mostly sober sounding Changmin.  
“You think I don’t see it when you look at him? I’m not blind Changmin! And you do it all the time. Every time he doesn’t look you stare like a fucking creep!” she is mumbling a bit.  
“I’m angry, that’s all!”  
“It better be all! He fucking cheated on you, remember that! You’re mine now!”  
Yunho blinks at that – that’s news to him. He likes to think that he knows what he has, or has not, done. He backs away quietly, not wanting to alert them about his presence. He takes a long bath when he gets home, but he is just delaying the inevitable. He knows what he is going to do, and he does it before going to sleep. He sends Changmin a short message.  
 _I overheard you and T. I’m sorry, but I’ve never done this to you, no idea what T. is talking about._

A DNA test. Changmin requested a DNA test, and the ashamed look on the manager’s face does nothing to make up for the heartbreak the request caused. MinJun doesn’t even notice the tension in the room, babbling happily about things known only to babies.   
“You might as well check if he is mine then,” Yunho snarls.   
“But… you gave birth to him?” the manager looks lost for about five seconds before he gets it. “Ah.”  
Changmin isn’t even present, probably busy with Tiffany or some other whore. Yunho wishes he could look him in the eye and ask _why_. He refuses to feel humiliated.

The results are obvious, Yunho doesn’t even want to hear them. He doesn’t need any tests to know the truth.   
But he knows when they finally come because with them comes Changmin. With red, puffy eyes and stuffed nose, looking worse than Yunho’s ever seen. He lets the younger man in, before his neighbours take interest. Changmin hesitantly sits on a couch and puts the white envelope on the table. His hands are shaking slightly when he gestures for Yunho to open it.   
“I… made a terrible mistake.”  
There are five pictures in the envelope. A really high quality photos with great contrast, sharp. Yunho recognizes his own face, and even with sunglasses on, it doesn’t take long to recognize the other guy in the picture. JaeJoong. He hasn’t seen JJ in three years, hasn’t talked with him even longer than that. But in the picture, which is dated, they are touching and embracing tightly.  
“They are…” he starts, only to be interrupted by Changmin.  
“Fake. I know. I mean… Now I know, I checked with a specialist. They are good, he says, but not real.”  
If they were real, Yunho would have already been pregnant at that time.  
“I could tell you that,” he says softly, putting the pictures away. He can’t stand looking at them.  
“I was hurt. Angry and hurt, and I didn’t think logically. Tiffany was there to whisper lies about you. I didn’t think she had any reasons to lie.”  
“She always liked you.”  
“I never noticed before, I only had eyes for you.”  
“Had,” Yunho croaks out, throat completely dry.  
“Have. She was there, but she is driving me mad. You look so sad all the time, and then the message… God, I was so dumb. I’m so sorry Yunho.”  
“It hurt.”  
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to make it up to you. I love you.”  
Yunho believes him. Maybe it’s because he is a good guy, or maybe because he knows that it’s impossible to stop loving someone just like that. It doesn’t disappear just because someone hurt you, no matter how much you may wish it did.   
“I missed you and MinJun so much I cried every fucking night. And she kept saying he is not mine, Christ,” Changmin covers his eyes with hands and rocks a bit like babies sometimes do. “I was imagining you with JJ, playing a happy little family, then with Siwon, having another baby.”  
“I can’t have any more children. Apparently there was a problem during the labour and I can’t.”  
“Jesus, I didn’t even know.”  
“I didn’t know either, I only learned about it when we were practicing with harnesses, the pain was too severe, so I went to the doctor.”  
Changmin breathes in sharply and then moves to kneel in front of Yunho, pressing his forehead against the other man’s knees.   
“I’m sorry, so sorry,” he keeps whispering, little sniffles betray that he is crying again. Yunho runs fingers through Changmin’s soft hair trying to soothe him. They will manage, they will be okay. They always are.


	3. Of cabbages and accidental stalkers

Yunho used to enjoy shopping for food, queues or rude people never bothered him. But of course it was all good and nice when he wasn’t pregnant. Now that his belly is so big that he can’t see his feet grocery stores are a special kind of hell which he has to visit at least twice a week because he is no longer capable of carrying as many bags as he was before, and he doesn’t own a car. He has to do it on his own because one night the baby’s other father decided that he doesn’t actually want to be a father and left when Yunho was at the check up. It took him almost two weeks to discover that his partner has not been abducted. Yunho had no idea that JaeJoong was such a huge coward that he couldn’t even leave a note explaining that he got bored. No, he had to disappear and make Yunho worry. Being sad and angry was infinitely better because even though he wants to stab JaeJoong with a blunt knife he doesn’t really want the older man to suffer. It probably doesn’t need to be mentioned that they haven’t talked ever since Jae left. Mostly because the other man changed his phone number.  
Yunho could go back to Gwangju where his family lives, but if he has to choose between struggling and being miserable in Seoul and being miserable while everyone around him keeps reminding him that it’s his own fault for sleeping with a playboy, then he is always going to choose Seoul. His pride took a huge hit, but there were enough leftovers to keep him in Seoul. Truth to be told his financial situation isn’t stellar, so he has to carefully choose what he is going to buy. He already has everything he needs for the baby, mostly thanks to his friends, but he wants to save up as much as he can for the emergency situations.   
He’s been staring at the cabbages for more or less ten minutes, considering the merits of buying more than one, when a guy catches his attention. He is kind of cute with ears slightly sticking out and big, doe eyes, but he is staring at Yunho with so much focus that it’s becoming slightly disconcerting.   
“Are you following me?” he calls out, and the man flinches guiltily.

Changmin hates shopping, but he is also the only person in the flat who knows what counts as real food, so he has to do it. If he let Kyuhyun shop they would end up with lots of booze and nothing to eat. Minho would buy sweets, and as much as Changmin enjoys them, there is no way that three grown men can survive on snickers bars.  
He takes a big shopping cart just because it will save him from carrying all the stuff they need, and just as he is getting ready to start shopping he notices a man who, and there is no other word for it, is waddling behind his own shopping cart. What Changmin finds special about the guy is that he is very, very pregnant. He looks like he is going to give birth any minute now. That’s just not right, who sends someone that far along to do shopping? Changmin is an asshole, but he would never do it, especially not if his partner had such cute face with beautiful almond shaped eyes and pouty lips.   
The man’s progress is really slow, he takes small steps while he looks around, probably trying to decide what he needs. It takes Changmin three aisles to realize that he is stalking the pregnant man, but it’s only because he is concerned about his well-being. The floors can be very slipper, what if he falls? That would hurt so much.   
The man has been staring at the cabbages for a pretty long time now. What’s so interesting about the cabbages anyway? He dislikes them.  
“Are you following me?” Changmin is so surprised that he flinches and fights the urge to duck behind the shelves. He’s been noticed, it’s not a big deal. He isn’t doing anything wrong. He comes a bit closer, shouting would make everything far more awkward than it has to be. The man is even prettier up close where Changmin can properly see his whole face.   
“I… maybe? I mean, you are pregnant.”  
“Alright, and that is weird how..?” the man seems amused which is a good sign.  
“I just got worried. You may slip and fall, that would be unfortunate.”  
“Do you always guard pregnant people while they shop?”  
“No!” that comes out way too fast and Changmin’s face instantly feels hot.   
“I’m Yunho. Do you want to shop together then? It will be easier for you to catch me then. I guess,” Yunho eyes his slim stomach, and Changmin feels the sudden need to prove himself. He grabs the other man’s soft hand and puts it on his flat stomach, letting Yunho feel the firm muscles hidden under the shirt.  
“I’m Changmin, and I can definitely catch you.” Yunho bites his plump lower lip and nods, fingers still glued to the hard abs.   
“Right. Let’s shop then.”  
Changmin pretends to be interested in his own cart, so he puts random things in there, but mostly he watches as Yunho carefully chooses the things he needs. Sometimes he takes something just to put it back after a second, and it takes Changmin few minutes to understand what is happening. The next time it happens he reaches to hold Yunho’s wrist before the man can put the product away.   
“It will be good for you and the baby. Nutritious.”  
“Ah, I can’t. I’m a single dad, you know how it is.”  
He doesn’t. His family is pretty well off, and he never had any financial problems. As a chief accountant of a medium sized company he makes more than he needs. The only reason he is flat-sharing with Minho and Kyuhyun is that he got used to having them around during University and couldn’t be bothered to find another flat once he finished his studies. But he can imagine how hard it is, and how much harder it’s going to get once the baby is born.  
“I’d kill the fucker who left you,” he murmurs, and louder he adds, “it’s on me.”  
“No. You don’t even know me.”   
Yunho’s dark eyes flash with anger, Changmin’s stomach flips. He himself is bossy, but he likes it that the other man is so stubborn.   
“Your name is Yunho, you are pregnant, and I want to do it for you.”

Changmin’s flat is on the way to Yunho’s, so he quickly pops in to leave his groceries. Just before he leaves he hears puzzled Minho asking why he bought baby wipes and cabbage, but he doesn’t have the time to explain. He needs to drive Yunho home and then take him out. On a date.


	4. It's never a one night stand, is it?

Yunho has only one rule about sleeping with friends and it’s: Don’t sleep with your friends. It helps that he is not physically attracted to his friends. Or at least he wasn’t until he met Shim Changmin who is two years younger than him and absolutely brilliant. And gay. Mostly gay. A bit of a nerd with a perfectly sculpted body and lots of attitude. Completely not Yunho’s type, he usually prefers his men to be charming and kind, but every time he sees Changmin he simply _wants_. Heechul jokes that his legs spread the second Shim enters the room, and it might be a joke, but it doesn’t mean it’s not true. He can’t have the younger man because the things they want from life are completely different, and he would never want to ruin anyone’s future for the sake of his own. Sure, Yunho wants to have a successful career and enough money to be able to live without constantly worrying about the future, but he also wants a family. Kids. Changmin wants money and recognition. He wants to travel the whole world, see the amazing places and sleep with the beautiful people. He sees children as an obstacle which would hold him back from achieving those dreams. Yunho doesn’t agree with him, but he respects it. After all Changmin is a Lamborghini while Yunho is a Nissan at best.*  
But even if his self-esteem wasn’t low, he still wouldn’t sleep with the younger man. He simply can’t imagine it being enough. He likes Changmin a lot more than he should, and he wants either everything or nothing. No compromises.

But fate has a mind of its own, so it completely ignores any objections he might have. Yunho has only few more months left before he is done with Uni, and from his friends it means a lot of drinking before they have to become responsible adults. They conveniently overlook the fact that Yunho has been a responsible adult ever since he turned fifteen. Changmin, who rarely ever comes out with them, decides that he can celebrate Yunho passing one of the most difficult classes, and everyone gets plastered. They get so drunk that they lose Donghae (later they learn that he took the wrong turn and joined another group of drunk students, apparently it took him a while to discover that they are not his friends). The details are a bit blurry, but Yunho thinks he remembers declining Heechul’s offer to go home together and climbing into a cab with a slightly more sober Changmin and then making out in it. The next thing he can recall is the younger man’s flat and a thick cock sliding between his lips, the salty taste of precome and then a sudden urge to throw up. He is quite sure he didn’t vomit because it would sober him up a bit. And that couldn’t have happened because if it did, he wouldn’t end up being fucked doggy style on the other man’s single bed. He only knows it was doggy style because he remembers choking when a pillow got in the way of his breathing.  
He wakes up sore, with a soft dick nestled between his buttocks and dried cum covering his stomach, thighs and ass. Signs of fucking which are very difficult to miss. Changmin is holding him tightly, so Yunho lets himself fantasize for a second that they are a couple and that’s how they always wake up. The illusion is destroyed by Changmin waking up and muttering ‘fuck!’, before he climbs out of bed.  
“It’s fine,” he says before the younger man can panic. “We can pretend nothing happened.”  
“Uh, yeah, sure, not that it wasn’t great, but you know. Awkward.”  
“Yes. It’s alright, I will just go.”  
Changmin nods, and Yunho’s face hurts from faking a smile.

Yunho always uses condoms because he is a mature man who knows about STDs and unwanted pregnancies. He’s never, not even once, had unprotected sex before. So of course the second someone he cares about sticks a dick in him with no rubber, he gets pregnant and literally can’t leave the bathroom for a week in fear of vomiting all over the room. He has to kneel in front of the toilet, hugging the porcelain bowl, and listen to Heechul despair about the new development.  
“I’m making an appointment, you are getting rid of it,” his friend decides.  
“I’m not. It’s my baby, whether ‘Min wants it or not.”  
“Yundol, you are twenty four. You can’t have a baby now, that’s a sensible thing to do.”  
“I know. But I just can’t do it. You know how risky it is for guys, what if I won’t be able to have kids in the future? I don’t want that.”  
“Then at least tell Changmin.”  
“No,” Yunho says sternly seconds before the cup of unsweetened tea he drank to soothe his stomach decides to leave his system.  
He makes an appointment to make sure that everything is fine with a bundle of cells growing inside of him. The doctor prescribes him medication for morning sickness which in his case lasts almost the whole day, so he can finally start attending classes again. He discovers that one of the TAs has been replaced because of an accident. When Yunho comes in, only a little late, smouldering dark eyes rest on him, and he instantly feels hot. He stammers out an apology and instead of taking his usual place next to Changmin, who for some reason decided to take this class as well, he sits next to Jihyun. The girl beams at him and starts telling him about her new dog. Yunho tries to concentrate on both Jihyun’s story and the lecture, but it’s difficult when he can feel someone’s eyes boring into him. He turns slightly, just enough to be able to see Changmin who is, indeed, staring at him. But then he sneaks a look at the TA, and the man is also watching him. Oh.  
At the end of class he tries to get out as quickly as he can without having to talk to Changmin. The TA intercepts him by the door, but at least everyone else leaves when they see them talk.  
“I’m Choi Siwon, nice to meet you..?”  
“Jung Yunho?”  
“Pretty. Now I’m even happier that I took this job,” Siwon’s smile turns seductive, and Yunho loses the ability to form sentences. 

Changmin dislikes public places, which is why Yunho always had a hard time finding him. The best guess was usually the younger man’s flat, but other than that he had no idea where to look. Or rather, he knew where to look, but there were so many possible hiding spots, that it was impossible to check all of them before the end of a break. But of course once he starts avoiding Changmin, the younger man seems to be everywhere, and suddenly he needs to talk to Yunho all the time. The only solution is to spend as much time with Siwon as possible because them the younger man seems to be allergic to their TA and the second he sees the man his whole demeanor changes. It goes like that for almost three weeks before Changmin corners him in the bathroom, just after he finished throwing up. The meds are good, but they are not magical. He is rinsing his mouth trying to remove the gross aftertaste, when Changmin physically pins him to the sink. Yunho chokes and tries to turn around, but the strong hands hold him in place. It’s not meant to be sexual, but he wants to rub himself all over the younger man, feel the hard body against his.  
“Why are you avoiding me?”  
“I’m not.”  
“You obviously are! Since that night we haven’t spent a single moment alone. We were supposed to be fine!”  
Yunho can lie. He can say that he is dating Siwon, and that’s why he can’t spend too much time with his one-night stand, but soon the truth will come to light.  
“I’m pregnant.”  
Changmin’s hands move towards his stomach and slightly press against it, as if he is trying to feel the baby inside.  
“Is it mine?”  
It makes Yuho angry for a second, he doesn’t sleep around! But it burns out as quickly as it appears, leaving him empty, “I can lie if you want.”  
“It won’t change anything if you do.”  
“It’s yours, but I don’t want you to feel forced to be a part of his or her life. We can still be friends if you want, or we can forget about the whole thing,” Yunho’s voice quivers against his will. Changmin hugs him then, nose pressed against the nape of his neck.  
“Let’s be friends,” and even though he knew that the younger man wouldn’t accept the child, Yunho still has to close his eyes so Changmin won’t see his disappointment. He hoped, of course he did, he is a fool after all.  
Later that week he sleeps with Siwon because the other man is kind, gentle, handsome and very bright, not because he loves him. He could, but it hasn’t happened just yet. It’s surprisingly rough, but he likes it. It reminds him of the last time he had sex. After, when they are exchanging lazy kisses, he blurts out the truth about his pregnancy. Siwon just looks at him for a while and then smiles. He doesn’t even ask about the father, and during the next round he really focuses on Yunho’s still flat stomach. Yunho heard about the pregnancy kink before, but he assumed the bump had to be visible for that. Judging from Siwon’s enthusiasm – he was wrong.  
In the privacy of Siwon’s flat it’s easy to forget about the outside world, but they have to go back to their lives after the weekend. Show must go on.

***

Changmin thinks that his brain is going to fry soon from all the thinking he’s been doing. Thinking that has nothing to do with University. Every time he sees Yunho his brain goes into overdrive, and he no longer knows what he wants or needs.  
He doesn’t want children, but God-fucking-dammit, Yunho is driving him crazy. He remembers bits and pieces from their night together, plump lips stretched by his cock, sweaty thighs opening for him, tight ass swallowing his dick. He explicitly remembers coming inside Yunho’s perfect little hole, pumping him full of cum. It’s the memory he most often uses when he jerks off.  
He doesn’t want a baby, but when he sees Siwon caressing the now visible bump something big and ugly tries to get out. It rages and snarls while Changmin tries to keep the straight face. He tries to concentrate on his studies, but it’s pointless since at this point everything is too easy. He finishes his homework, and then he calls Yunho just to hear his sweet voice. Once, he drunk-dials one of his younger sister’s, and she asks with a laugh whether he is in love.  
That’s something he hasn’t even considered because he is Shim Changmin, when would he find the time to fall in love? Only even he can’t deny that this level of jealousy can come only from something deeper. Infatuation, maybe.  
Infatuation works for few more weeks until he starts to notice Yunho pulling away from their friendship. Before, the older man seemed to always look for him first, always trying to include him in every conversation. Now he sits so close to Siwon that they are almost one person, constantly touching, and Changmin wants to start a fight. He isn’t a savage though, so he waits until Siwon has to leave the city for a conference and then goes straight to Yunho’s flat.  
The older man opens dressed in gray sweatpants and a tight t-shirt which emphasizes the curve of his stomach. He is absolutely stunning.  
“’Min? Did something happen?” Yunho asks sleepily, but Changmin just pushes him inside as gently as he can before locking the door and falling to his knees. He is determined to go through this, and there is surprisingly little resistance when he removes Yunho’s pants and puts his mouth on the older man’s soft cock.  
“Why are you doing this, Changmin? You know I can’t fight you,” fingers soothingly run through his hair, so he stops to look up at the older man’s slightly flushed face.  
“I don’t want you to fight me. I want you to be with me.”  
“What about Siwon?”  
“You are carrying my baby,” he nuzzles the bump, “I was stupid, I can’t stay away from the two of you. I know you don’t love him.”  
Yunho smiles then and leans down to kiss him. It lasts only for a few seconds, the position uncomfortable for the pregnant man, so Changmin presses his lips to Yunho’s navel instead. He never wanted a baby, but he is sure he will learn to love it. Many people need an adjustment period, and if their baby looks anything like Yunho, then Changmin is bound to sooner or later fall in love. And even if that doesn’t happen then he will simply try to be the best father possible.

 

 

 

 

*there are two things I know about cars: they have four wheels and they go vroom. Sorry.


	5. Work it

The whole office is in love with Yunho. Jung Yunho is twenty eight and a secretary, no one important. But everyone loves him anyway. Changmin doesn’t. He doesn’t hate the guy, but he also doesn’t see the reason why everyone is so head over heels for the older man. He really doesn’t.  
Maybe Yunho has a cute little face and a bubbly personality, but surely people aren’t shallow enough to fall just for that. Changmin has to admit that Jung is also quite efficient and very helpful even when he doesn’t have to be. Still, there are many people like that, no one fawns over Minho who is equally kind.   
Maybe the problem lies in the fact that they are polar opposites of each other. Changmin prefers to keep to himself, he is prim and proper, always on time, always prepared. Yunho can be obnoxiously loud and extroverted. They are like two pieces of completely different puzzles, and the older man must be aware of this because he is always more reserved around Changmin. They’ve been working for the same company for over a year, and yet Yunho still gets nervous when they are talking, which in turn makes Changmin nervous. It’s a bit ridiculous, but that’s how the things work between them. 

Changmin dislikes pointless chit-chat and after work bonding, but he has to be a part of it, for some reason their bosses think that being friendly is important at work. He just wants to do his job and then go home to his dog and his food.  
This time their monthly party takes place at a new hippy place, and the only thing that can save him is the alcohol. Lots and lots of it, to the point where he starts losing the track of time. One minute he is talking with Kyuhyun, another he is sucking on Yunho’s tongue and undressing him in the cab. He doesn’t remember how it happened, but it makes sense to his alcohol addled brain. They fuck in the corridor before reaching his flat, and then they fuck again on his huge bed. It’s great, Yunho takes his cock like he was born to do it, and he doesn’t mind it when Changmin gets a bit rough, putting fingers where they shouldn’t really belong or fit. They fit, oh do they fit.  
He still thinks it’s nice in the morning, but he also thinks that he screwed up big time, not only literally. Yunho does his best to not make things awkward, but it’s hard to achieve when there is dry cum peeling off his stomach and thighs.   
He looks beautiful when he leaves. Of course he has to leave, that’s what one night stands do.

They don’t really speak for the next few weeks. Yunho gets sick about three weeks after the party and disappears for a month. He comes back think and sickly white, but quickly puts on weight again, maybe even a bit too much.  
Changmin always thought he was rather quick on the uptake, but he only learns about Yunho’s pregnancy when it can no longer be hidden, bump too big to hide under the suit. Everyone else cheers for the older man, and one of their bosses – Choi Siwon, openly pampers him. It explains why Yunho has been spending so much time with their boss recently. He was getting fucked on that ridiculous desk, as if they couldn’t do it at home like normal people. Not to mention that fucking the boss is completely unprofessional, he expected better of Yunho.   
It’s the number one topic during the breaks when the pregnant man isn’t there, and usually Changmin doesn’t join the conversations, but when his coworkers start guessing who the other father might be, he breaks.   
“It could be anyone, the slut just can’t keep it in his pants, I bet he fucked both Kangta and Siwon.” He always knew that his timing could sometimes be a bit off, but he really doesn’t expect Yunho to be close enough to hear his little speech. The worst thing is that the other man doesn’t even look angry, just really sad and pale when he turns around to leave the cafeteria. Everyone pretends to be busy with food, but Changmin can tell they are all judging him.   
He finds Yunho’s address, buys nice chocolate and spends ten minutes in front of the older man’s door talking himself into ringing the bell. The sooner he does it, the sooner he can go to his own flat and scream into the pillow.   
For some unknown reason knocking comes easier, so he does that instead. Yunho opens, and he looks nothing like what Changmin is used to seeing. His clothes are stretched out, hair ruffled, and his face looks swollen. It might be the pregnancy, it might be crying.   
“Yes?” Yunho asks quietly.  
“I came to apologize. I didn’t mean the things I said.”  
“Only you did,” it’s still soft, but there is a hint of anger. “I don’t know what I did to make you think that I sleep around, but I don’t.”  
“Oh really? Then why are you fucking pregnant? Was it an immaculate conception? A miracle! I bet Siwon is so protective because you are such a good secretary!”  
Changmin is just getting started, but Yunho delivers an effective verbal punch, “It’s yours, okay. Not Siwon’s.”  
“What? It can’t be…”  
“We had sex without any protection, of course it’s yours. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you would act like that,” the older man explains tiredly.  
“And you kept it?”  
“Yes. Our… My baby is going to be a beautiful human being, don’t worry about it.”  
“Why would you keep some random guy’s child?”  
“Random guy’s..? Are you serious? I’ve been in love with you for months!”   
“But you left!”  
“I could see that you were already panicking, I don’t want you hurt. It’s fine, you don’t have to…” Changmin shuts him up with a kiss. It’s absolutely dumb.   
“I’ve been an asshole to you because I like you,” it’s so primary school that he can’t believe he even said it, but Yunho looks happy, so it doesn’t really matter if it’s childish. Changmin never thought about having kids, but since he is already having one he is not going to fight it.


	6. VD Special

Yunho knows he isn’t an appealing option anymore. He is thirty five, no longer as fit as he used to be in his twenties, and he has a three year old son, Minjun. At this point, the only men that find him attractive are at least forty and seem to think that he wants to be a kept boy. He might be struggling financially, but he will never lower himself to being a kept boy.  
Minjun’s father has only seen the boy once, he doesn’t pay maintenance. Yunho is already disillusioned enough, he wants nothing from that man. It wouldn’t hurt so bad if it weren’t for the fact that everything seemed fine during the pregnancy, he had a caring partner. He was alone when he went into labor, alone at the hospital, and when he came home with the baby his boyfriend’s things weren’t there anymore. He found the keys to the flat in the mailbox.  
After that they saw each other once when Yunho came to pick up his things from the ex’s flat. The other man didn’t even acknowledge Minjun, too busy flirting with his new, young fling. That was a very fast and completely unexpected replacement.  
Minjun is not a fussy child. At first he didn’t sleep through the night, which is normal, but now he loves to sleep and eat, and can quietly play with his toys for hours. Yunho loves him more than anyone else, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t lonely or starved for affection. It’s only natural to feel this way, and it’s hard. No one notices him anymore, he is only thirty five, and no one can see him. He used to be a choreographer, but got fired after his son was born. He is a dance teacher now, it pays less, but at least he can bring Minjun to work.  
His best friend Heechul is three years older and doesn’t face any of the problems that Yunho has. Maybe it’s because Heechul is more carefree, or maybe it’s because he doesn’t have a baby and looks like he just stepped off the catwalk. Yunho is not jealous, he doesn’t really know what he is.

He lets Heechul take him out when his sister agrees to babysit Minjun. They go to the club which is Heechul’s main hunting ground, Yunho has never been there before. He can see why. It’s full of beautiful young men, perfect for his friend. It doesn’t take long for someone to take interest in Heechul, but the older man never abandons him.  
They go dancing. That’s one thing he is confident about, he is a great dancer. He catches appreciative glances of other people on the dance floor, and they make him feel good. That’s almost enough. After more or less three songs Heechul suddenly smiles brightly before leaving for their booth. Yunho is about to follow when he feels someone press against his back. His instincts tell him to run, but a strong hand grips his hip, so he stays put, not wanting to cause a scene.  
“Can I buy you a drink?” the man whispers in his ear, and Yunho’s knees feel weak.  
“We could dance first since we are already here?”  
“I can’t dance.”  
He laughs at that because he believes that with a little bit of practice everyone can dance, but he lets the man lead him towards the bar where the light is better, and Yunho can finally look at him. The man is too young, too handsome and way out of his league, but it’s going to be a one night thing anyway, so it doesn’t matter. They have a drink and then some, and he learns quite a bit about the other man. His name is Shim Changmin, he is twenty six and has a successful career as a model and an actor. He also kind of sucks at flirting, but it’s okay because Yunho is a sure thing. Heechul checks up on them before disappearing with his own boy.  
They end up in Yunho’s flat, and the details are a bit blurry, but in the morning he remembers having a good time, and the slight discomfort he is experiencing is extremely satisfying. The reality kicks in when Changmin sees the toys, and not the sexy ones.  
“You have a kid?” he asks bemused.  
“Yes. And I have to pick him up, so you should probably leave. Sorry, it was nice meeting you.”  
Changmin doesn’t insist on staying. Yunho is aware that in the broad daylight he might look a bit worse than he did at a club. He spends a nice Saturday with Minjun Instead of getting fucked.  
He isn’t a great cook, but he tries for his son’s sake. The boy is too young to know better, so it works just fine, but Yunho lets himself relax on Sundays and order from people who know what they are doing in the kitchen. That’s why he isn’t surprised when he hears a doorbell ring on Sunday. Any other day would be weird since his friends know that he isn’t fond of the unexpected visits, they give him anxiety. It used to be different when he was in his twenties, but now he prefers to have enough time to prepare.  
Though he is surprised when instead of a delivery guy he sees Changmin with a box and a teddy bear, he almost closes the door again.  
“Hi. Is it too soon? I feel like it might be too soon, but I don’t want you to forget about me,” the young man explains, as if Yunho has a string of lovers waiting for his call, and not the random hook ups which are few and far between.  
“Why exactly are you here?”  
“I thought we could get to know each other better. I brought a toy for your baby. I don’t know about his preferences, but I assumed that this one would be safe.”  
“I’m thirty five.”  
“I know I’m younger, but please give me a chance,” Changmin clearly misunderstands what he means, but Yunho lets him in anyway.  
That’s how it starts. 

Changmin travels a lot for photoshoots and movies, but when he is in Seoul they spend as much time together as they can. Which isn’t much anyway because even when Changmin is in Seoul he still has parties and meetings to attend, and then there are also his friends who deserve his attention more than Yunho. But it’s a good arrangement to have, Yunho knows they are casual. They never discuss their relationship, mostly because it really isn’t a relationship. Changmin is too young and too successful for him, and even if the younger man is really good with Minjun, Yunho would never put that much responsibility on him. Changmin has the glamorous life that he used to dream about before the reality kicked in. He might have even lived it once with…, but that’s in the past.  
For some reason Yunho meets Changmin’s family and friends, he doesn’t want to, but younger man’s eager face and big eyes convince him to do it. He expects to be judged, and Changmin’s best friend suggests that he might be a gold digger but gets shushed by everyone else. Overall, it’s not that bad, and he is rewarded with a nice blow job and the best rimming of his life.  
He has a feeling that the younger man is sleeping with other people when he is away, but Yunho never asks. He decided to be happy with what he gets for as long as Changmin is willing to be there. He only makes sure that Minjun won’t get too attached, the little boy doesn’t deserve a heartbreak when he can’t even understand what is happening.  
Things complicate a bit when Changmin asks him to come to a party. As far as Yunho understands it’s a closed party which officially is going to be a celebration of this year achievements, but unofficially is a rat race for new contracts. This time it’s Heechul who guilt trips him into agreeing, the older man seems to think that it’s some kind of a fairy tale love story.  
Changmin buys him a nice, deep blue Zegna suit that he wouldn’t purchase even if he could afford it, because spending this much on clothes is simply ridiculous. His body looks great, but it doesn’t make it any less ridiculous. They get two ties, and the model uses one to tie his hands and then fuck him into the bed before the party.  
It becomes clear real quick that Yunho should have thought about it more. He meets many people and tries his best not to embarrass Changmin. He is doing fine until the younger man becomes really excited about meeting some big shot producer who greets them by saying, “You look amazing in Zegna, Yunnie.”  
After that the chances of Changmin landing a part in the man’s next movie are probably inexistent. Yunho suffers through the rest of a party with a furious Changmin by his side. No outsider would be able to tell how angry the younger man is, but by now Yunho knows him well enough to see the hints. Drive home is unpleasantly quiet.  
Changmin finally speaks when they are both wearing casual clothes again, “Is JaeJoong Minjun’s father?”  
It’s not the question he wants to answer. He never ever wants to talk about it again with anyone, if he could he would bury this conversation topic deep under the ground were no one can find it, so he settles on simply saying, “Yes.”  
The lamp hits the wall with a loud noise and is quickly followed by the bedside table. He should stop the further destruction, but the young man looks so mad that Yunho is afraid to move.  
“He has a shitload of money, yet he does nothing to help you. What a fucking dick.”  
Once he starts laughing he can’t stop until he is crying, and Changmin is hugging him tightly.

***

Changmin is going to break off the thing they have. He’s been acting weird for the past month, and he finally, after over a year, got bored of Yunho’s old ass. There is no other explanation for his erratic behaviour. It’s painfully obvious that he is hiding something.  
From the very beginning Yunho knew that this day would come. He just never guessed that the younger man would do it on a Valentine’s Day. Sure, Changmin isn’t a romantic, but even he should know how rude breaking up on that day is. The fact that it’s going to happen in a fancy restaurant makes Yunho even sicker. By the time they are drinking aperitifs his heart is racing, and he is painfully aware that he is in love with the stupidly handsome man who is sitting across from him. He promised himself it would be casual, God fucking damn it.  
“I thought about it a lot and decided that…”  
Yunho immediately butts in, “Just do it. You don’t have to make excuses or sugarcoat it, I can take it.”  
“Baby…”  
“Come on, ‘Min. No need to prolong this.”  
Changmin huffs in annoyance and puts something on Yunho’s clean plate. It’s a square box with a small bow on top. “But I thought you were breaking up with me?”  
“I’m trying to propose, but you keep interrupting me!”  
“Oh.”  
“I am crazy about you, I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and since I met you no one else can even compare. If you agree to marry me, I will be the happiest guy in the whole world. I know you don’t see how amazing and beautiful you are, but I do. Please be mine, I want to be there to every day remind you how important you are.”  
Yunho might be crying, he isn’t sure whether it’s from happiness or relief, but he nods vigorously before Changmin can change his mind. They manage to eat the steaks they ordered, but Changmin is the only one who gets the dessert – it takes him some time to lick off the sticky chocolate from Yunho’s stomach and thighs. 


	7. Of course we are

He is supposed to gracefully land in a half split after jumping up, head raised high, bright smile on his face. The jumping part goes perfect, the landing… not so much. A sudden, sharp pain in the groin area has him gasping for air and twisting on a floor, limbs refusing to cooperate. His eyes feel wet, but he’s had worse. At least it’s not a competition, just a usual rehearsal. Today he is alone, his dancer friends refuse to practice every day, but it’s for the best, at least there is no one to witness his humiliation.   
The pain keeps him on a floor for the next ten minutes or so, and by that time he’s decided to shower at home instead of school. He really doesn’t want to maneuver in a small shower stall that they have here. He limps out of a gym and almost immediately stumbles again, because Shim Changmin is in front of himm talking to a teacher, and Yunho has a small crush on the guy. By no means is he pining, it’s just a bit of the unreciprocated emotional investment which will go away once they finish high school. Changmin is a year younger, yet he is in Yunho’s grade because he is so smart that he skipped one year. Some kids make fun of him because of that, but Yunho admires him. Not that Shim needs or cares about what he thinks.   
They never even talked because Yunho knows that he will act like a blubbering idiot if he ever gets to talk to the younger boy. He also has no idea what the two of them could talk about. He has plenty of friends, so he clearly isn’t socially inept. Changmin, on the other hand, has only two close friends at school, the majority of students doesn’t know what to do with him. They call him a nerd, but at the same time the Shim family has some serious money, and it always attracts people. Not Yunho though. He is poor but proud, and he would rather stare into Changmin’s doe eyes than spend his money. He is a romantic, no point in hiding it.

He wants to be a dancer. Or maybe an idol. But mostly a dancer. It’s not fame that he wants, it’s the chance to meet all those amazing dancers and choreographers he reads about. Of course his father would think that it’s a silly idea, so he never mentions it at home. As a matter of fact, he rarely ever mentions it at all. He is by no means ready to make a career out of his dancing., no matter what Heechul says. Heechul knows because his friend knows about everything, including the most embarrassing moments.   
Even though he dreams of a career in the entertainment, Yunho is not dumb. At least he doesn’t think he is, his grades are good. He is just not doing so well with chemistry and physics (he is surprisingly good at math). Admittedly, he gets slightly distracted by the chemistry teacher – Choi Siwon is a fine specimen worth staring at. Said specimen asks to him stay after Tuesday class and suggests hiring a tutor. Yunho’s family cannot afford one, but he nods anyway. Something, maybe his lip biting, must betray his thoughts because on Friday the teacher cheerfully tells him that he found someone who will tutor him for free. Yunho almost faints when he sees Changmin’s pale face peeking at him from behind Siwon. The younger boy blinks lazily when he tries to form a sentence but ultimately fails.   
“We can study at my house,” Changmin offers, and Yunho knows that the house is really far away from his flat. At least an hour long bus ride. He agrees enthusiastically anyway, he will take every chance offered to him.  
Changmin’s house is huge. Yunho is sure that you could get lost in there and die, and no one would notice for half a year – at some point you have to do the thorough cleaning after all. It takes two weeks to meet the whole family because everyone is so busy all the time. Changmin’s parents have a successful law firm and his two sisters spend most of their time out with their friends. They are nothing like their brother – if anything, they resemble Yunho more. There is also a fluffy, white dog which is quite vicious for something so small. She likes to bite people’s ankles with her tiny, but sharp, teeth. It’s a painful lesson to learn.   
At first Changmin is rather stuffy which in turn makes Yunho anxious, but they slowly learn to relax around each other and after a while they sort of become friends. They don’t hang out at school, but talking and playing takes almost as much time as studying, when Yunho comes over.

In his still relatively short life Yunho had only one boyfriend who taught him how to kiss and suck cock. It was a dream that turned into a nightmare because the guy wouldn’t accept it when Yunho broke up with him. Fortunately, it only lasted a few weeks. He thinks Heechul threatened his ex.   
One day Changmin confesses that he’s never been with anyone, he hasn’t even kissed. He looks embarrassed, as if there is anything shameful in being a virgin at sixteen. So Yunho steals his first kiss to make him feel better. It’s short, sweet and isn’t supposed to mean anything. It wouldn’t, if it weren’t for Changmin’s unexpected reaction. Instead of being angry he lunges at the older boy to kiss him again and again until their lips are suspiciously puffy. It becomes their thing. They study, watch movies, play games. They kiss when no one is around. After every session Yunho is at least half-hard. He hides it clumsily, not wanting to scare this friend. For some reason he has this idea that Changmin is very innocent. It turns out that he is wrong.  
It starts with the porn stash which he finds under the bed when he is looking for a tennis ball, and ends with the younger boy kneeling in front of him, nuzzling his clothed crotch. Yunho didn’t know he could get undressed so fast. Changmin’s body is still lanky, it will take him years before he grows into it, but Yunho likes him anyway. He still has a bit of baby fat, especially around hips, so he is not going to judge anyone.   
Since neither of them has any experience with real sex, it’s a hit and miss. Yunho bites Changmin’s nipple a bit too hard, and the boy shoves a finger into him like he is playing with a doll and not a living, breathing person. They laugh. The nervous, excited laughs that stop when Yunho wraps his lips around the thickness of Min’s dick and chokes when it hits the back of his throat. When he withdraws with a pop his lips and chin are slick with spit, and Changmin kisses him hungrily, tasting his own cock.   
Yunho knows about the importance of condoms, but they don’t have any lying around, and it’s really difficult to concentrate when your… friend’s tongue and fingers are trying to fuck you open. It becomes clear that the younger boy might not have much experience, but the chemistry definitely is not the only subject that he studied attentively. He must have some high quality porn because Yunho comes even before his cock is touched.   
Together they discover that it would be a better idea to keep him aroused because when Changmin pushes into him, he cries out in pain. It hurts so bad that soon his lips bleed from where he bit too hard, but he doesn’t let his partner pull out. He never imagined the burn to be that bad, but Changmin whines and moans, hips jerking unsteadily as he chases his orgasm, so there is no way that Yunho will let the pain stop them. It’s their first time, so it only takes a few minutes, and after the younger boy comes deep inside Yunho’s body he lies between the thick thighs to lick the swollen, abused hole clean. 

Yunho laughs so hard that he cries, and then he can’t breathe. He lies on a bathroom floor, the tears wetting his hair. That’s how his sister finds him.  
Jihye stares at the plastic strip which he is still clutching in his fist then looks at him and starts to cry as well. They try to comfort each other, but fail miserably since they both know what it means.   
“Remove it,” she says, hitting his stomach.  
“I can’t,” he doesn’t stop her, she isn’t strong enough to hurt him.   
His father slaps him only once before telling him to pack his things and get out. Which Yunho does without complaining. He apologizes, but his apology falls on deaf ears.  
Yunho has many friends, but the only person he would ever consider burdening with his presence for the undefined period of time is currently studying abroad. He knows that if he messaged Heechul the older man would come back, that’s how tight they are. That’s why he doesn’t tell anyone. It’s not that cold yet, so sleeping in parks and under the bridges isn’t that bad. He comes to school as early as he can to use the showers there,. It’s not the worst arrangement, but sooner or later someone is bound to notice.   
He makes a mistake of avoiding Changmin. It seems like a good idea because he doesn’t want to ruin his friend’s life. It’s enough that he ruined his own. What he doesn’t consider is that once he starts avoiding the younger boy, Changmin gets even more determined to talk to him. So he ends up following Yunho.  
“Why the fuck are you sitting under the bridge?”  
“I got tired and wanted to rest?” he always was a bad liar.  
“And you keep your things here why?” Changmin points at a big bag lying next to Yunho.  
“Because I’m pregnant, and my dad kicked me out,” he blurts out. His stomach feels queasy again. The younger teenager stands up. Of course he is going to leave, Yunho didn’t expect anything else. He would probably leave too, only he is the one with a baby growing inside. Maybe he should get rid of it after all. Maybe it’s… “Could you stop mumbling to yourself and come with me? My mom is coming for us.”  
Changmin’s mom looks sad when she picks them up, but she assures him it’s because of his parents and not the pregnancy. He finds it hard to believe.  
The Shims meet with his parents in the evening, trying to persuade them to change their minds. When they come back Yunho doesn’t have to ask, their obvious anger speaks for itself.   
That night Changmin’s mom talks to him about the responsibility, about how hard it’s going to be, yet she doesn’t suggest an abortion and promises to help him. Changmin isn’t with them during the talk, so when he cries it’s because he assumes that his friend wants nothing with him. But when he finally goes to the boy’s room he is greeted with a kiss.

Yunho’s belly swells and grows until he can’t hide it anymore. He gets mixed reactions, but every time someone is mean to him Changmin uses his wit to defend him.   
“Siwon wants to fuck you,” his boyfriend says crudely, eyes glued to the history book. “He doesn’t see you as a boy anymore because you are pregnant, so he thinks he can have you now.”  
“That’s… not true,” he says uneasily. He’s noticed something different about their teacher, but he refuses to acknowledge that it might be lust.  
“It is. But it doesn’t matter because you are mine, and the baby is mine, and we are getting married as soon as we can.”  
“We are?” that’s news to him.  
“Of course we are, don’t be silly,” Changmin snorts like it’s completely obvious even though they have never discussed it before.


	8. It's never too late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still in Japan, but I felt like writing it. BUT, I was using a tablet, so I apologize for missing letters or some other weird stuff

Yunho should have known better than to get involved with a man this much younger. No, not even a man, just a boy. To his excuse, he was very, very drunk when they met. Another boyfriend broke up with him because he wanted to concentrate on his career, as if Yunho would stop him from pursuing his dreams. So he was drinking in a bar that the teenagers had no business being in when Changmin started hitting on him. He looked young even in a dim light, but he said he is twenty one, and Yunho looks young for his age, so why not? It kind of made sense to his drunk brain. Only in the morning, when he woke up in his apartment, he panicked, went through Changmin's bag and discovered that the guy who fucked him stupid is seventeen. It was too late then. The boy knew his address, and he kept coming over, insisting to be let in. Yunho did because otherwise the neighbours would notice, and he also let Changmin slide between his thighs because he is a bad, selfish person.  
He even meets Changmin's parents who don't look surprised that their son is hanging out with a man eleven years older. The teenager doesn't have many friends. He meets the parents twice. The first time Changmin is with him, the second Min's mother kneels in front of him begging him not to ruin her son's life. Because Yunho is pregnant. It's unplanned, and Changmin is the only one who can't fully comprehend the gravity of their situation. Yunho tells him he is having an abortion, they fight, break up, Yunho moves out. And that's it, that's how he saves Changmin's future. 

Heechul calls him an idiot, but what does Heechul know with his constant fucking around, never staying with one person longer than it's necessary to have sex. Yunho gives birth to Minjun three weeks early, and everything is so fucking hard at first, but it gets easier with time. Especially when he meets Jaejoong, but by then Minjun is already eight.  
Jaejoong is a little older and a lot richer. It's not why Yunho likes him, but it is an added bonus in his situation. Not many guys want to date someone with a child, but it's not a problem with JJ, not many things are. They move in together because there is no reason not to, and three years later they still are together, but Minjun doesn't call the older man anything but Jae. He knows about Changmin, and be understands Yunho's choice. He is a mature for an eleven years old boy, must be Changmin's genes.

***

„His ears are sticking out way more than in the pictures,” a young voice says, and Changmin knows it's about him, he is well aware of his flaws. He tries to remember when was the last time his face was in a magazine, it's a bit weird that a boy this young chooses to read business magazines, but maybe he is one of the young prodigies.  
„He has a different hairstyle, that's why,” a soft voice says. Even after so many years, Changmin would recognize this voice everywhere. He turns a bit to face the two voices. Yunho looks a little older, but he is as beautiful as Changmin remembers, and his throat clenches with emotions. It's been so long that he shouldn't feel anthing, so the instant spark of want takes him by surprise. Then he looks at the boy. It's not difficult to notice that Yunho fucking _kept the baby_.  
„Yunho,” he says as calmly as he can while his heart battles against his ribcage.  
„Changmin,” the other man says softly, face pale. And Minjun... Minjun looks more like Yunho, but he has Changmin's ears, and he feels like crying, but he is a grown man who doesn't cry in front of his child. Even if it's the first time he sees said child.  
They agree to meet the next day, and the first thing he does is end things with a girl he is currently fucking. Then he gets spectacularly drunk and can't go to work in the morning. It's a good thing he is his own boss.  
Yunho comes alone. Changmin's shouting can probably be heard from another building, but he doesn't care. He screams and throws few things around a weirdly calm older man. When he is done, already ashamed by his lack of control, Yunho says, „Your mother begged me, on her knees, not to ruin your life. Because that's what would happen. Your mother and I knew it, you were too young to understand. Do you really think you'd be as successful as you are now if you had to help with a baby? Look at me, 'Min. And then look at yourself.”  
Yunho was a promising dancer, he had to switch to teaching to be able to feed the baby. Changmin is rich. Seriously rich for a twenty eight years old guy. He can't even argue with that. It pisses him off.  
They don't really catch up on anything but the kid. Yunho tells him about their son's preferences, shows him the pictures he brought, they hammer out the meeting details. Changmin has missed a lot, and he intends to be a good father. He never thought he'd be a dad, not after the first fiasco, and it does scare him a bit, but he is nothing but persistent.

Kim fucking Jaejoong. Yunho is dating one of the most influential men in Korea, something Minjun throws in his face five minutes after they meet properly. Changmin's met the guy once, they aren't doing any business together. Thank God, because Jaejoong might be a great entrepreneur and a stunning man, but he is also a little bitch. But he apparently fucks like a stallion, so maybe that's why someone as sweet as Yunho is with him. Or maybe Changmin's memories about his ex are too kind.   
Minjun is a smart kid. A little cheeky, but Changmin was far worse. He is very obviously testing his newly acquired father, but his excitement is pretty noticeable. They have a lot in common, it makes breaking the ice so much easier, and when Yunho comes to pick Minjun up he has to wait additional fifteen minutes because they have to finish talking about trains. He looks happy about it. He is so beautiful when he smiles.  
„Jae drives a Bugatti Veyron,” Minjun says a'propos of nothing few meetings later, and Changmin considers running into a wall.  
„I think that Mercedes is pretty good for my age.”  
„Right. He drove Jaguar when he was your age.”  
„No one helped me, so it's still good.”  
„He is adopted, his family is poor,” Minjun deadpans.   
„What do you expect me to do? To say that I'm sorry that Jaejoong isn't your biological father?”  
„A little competition never hurt anyone,” Minjun replies with the tiniest of smiles, and Changmin gapes because his son is telling him, after few weeks of knowing him, that he wants his parents to be together. That he prefers Changmin. Take that, Kim fucking Jaejoong.  
Only it doesn't change anything because Changmin doesn't want Yunho anymore. He can have any young, sexy girl or guy he wants. He doesn't want a used up, aging man with a sharp jaw and soft, soft eyes.  
It's true until it isn't, and Changmin gets drunk, calls his ex and ends up masturbating while whispering filthy things into the phone. When he realizes that the older man hung up on him he smashes his mobile against the wall. The next time they see each other he gives Yunho a cold shoulder even though it was him who screwed up. So he calls, this time completely sober, to apologize. Yunho says it was because Changmin was drunk, and the younger man doesn't know how to take the admission. Would he be better received if he wasn't drunk?  
They celebrate Minjun's birthday together, and it's painfully obvious that Changmin and Jaejoong tried a bit too hard with presents. The boy likes Yunho's gift best anyway. It's quite fun up until Jae pushed him into a wall when no one is watching. Changmin is no wimp, but the man is built like a brickhouse.  
„Don't forget that Yunho is mine, alright pretty boy?” Jaejoong says and a snort escapes Changmin's lips. If anything, it's Jae who looks like a pretty doll. It earns him another painful shove. „Alright?”  
„I really think Yunho is his own person.”  
„Is he, though?” It angers him more than anything else, but he is a smart boy who knows when to keep his mouth shut.   
He meets a guy. A young, handsome model. The guy is there when Yunho comes to drop Minjun off because sometimes Changmin is still a teenager who thinks that he will make Yunho jealous. It's somewhat awkward.   
„You really fucked that?” Wonjoong asks a few weeks later. It takes Changmin few minutes to understand what they are talking about.  
„He gave birth to my son, what do you think?” he always knew that models aren't all that bright, but it really takes the cake.  
„But he is so... old.”  
„And yet, still prettier than you,” he doesn't really think about it, but Minjoong slaps him. There is a bit of shouting involved before the model leaves. Oh. He really sucks at relationship. Everyone leaves him. It's a good reason to get drunk again, and he is confused when few hours into his drinking Yunho appears out of nowhere.  
He must have voiced the thought because his ex sighs before explaining, ”You actually called me, 'Min.” He doesn't remember. He also doesn't remember the way home with Yunho. But he remembers propositioning the other man, talking about his thighs and tight hole that he wants to fill. It's probably the most embarrassing night of his life, especially when he wakes up completely alone.

***

Changmin doesn't have to try. He doesn't have to do any work to have people begging for his cock. He is tall, handsome and rich, it really doesn't take more than that. Which is good since he gets nervous and twitchy when he tries to flirt, and then everyone can see his awkwardness.  
„Jaejoong asked me to marry him.”  
At first his brain fails to comprehend the message, then he blurts out, ”I love you.”  
Yunho stares at him like he is crazy, „You don't even know me anymore.”  
„I never stopped loving you,” he realizes he isn't lying when the words slip out.  
It's obvious that the older man wants to say something more, probably to gently let Changmin down, but Changmin doesn't give him a chance. The kiss is all teeth, tongue and brutal strength, and Yunho weakly struggles when Changmin unzips him and swallows around his cock.  
He is a great cocksucker, he takes it deep, makes it really tight. Yunho shows his appreciation by whimpering and shivering, repeating 'no, no' over and over again while his hands keep the younger man close. By the time Changmin's fingers, slick with Yunho's cum, slide into the older man's body the both of them are a sweaty mess.  
He wants to go slow, but there is no time, so he pushes too early instead. His back gets scratched, and he intends to wear those scratches with pride. His mind goes blank, the memories of their old lovemaking pale in comparison with how unbelievably good it feels to be back home. The older man is absolutely gorgeous on his back, whimpering every time Changmin twists his hips to brush against the tiny bundle of pleasure. Changmin is feeling a bit emotional with Yunho's tightness around his cock, so he mutters filthy promises because the only other option he has is to cry, and he isn't that person.  
He is careful not to leave any marks, he knows better than that, but his tongue doesn't leave Yunho's skin, he carefully licks every inch of skin he can reach, trying to memorize it. His orgasm takes him by surprise, he doesn't feel ready for it, but Yunho moans and squeezes around him, and for a few minutes it's okay.

They don't talk for the next three weeks, and then one day he gets a call he shouldn't even answer because he is in a middle of a business meeting, but it's Yunho, so of course he answers.   
„Jae wants me to have an abortion. He scheduled it for today,” the older man is clearly distressed, voice shaking. Changmin is jealous, but it's not the right time, so he pushes it aside.  
„Do you want to keep it?” for him, everything that comes from Yunho is good, so even if the child is going to have big, doe eyes like Jaejoong, it's still going to be mostly Yunho's.   
„Yes... I mean. Yeah.”  
„Pack your things, I'll pick you up in an hour.”  
The older man seems much calmer when they meet. He is keeping his head lowered, but his overall appearance isn't too bad. He has quite a few bags with him. He doesn't really look at Changmin, and he only learns why when they are putting Yunho's things in a guest bedroom. There is an ugly bruise around the older man's left eye, and Changmin really considers screwing up his career just to hear Jaejoong's nose break. He doesn't do it because Yunho doesn't need any more violence in his life.  
Minjun is both happy and sad when he learns out the new living situation. Changmin finally feels like a 100% dad when he has to wake his son for school and prepare breakfast while Yunho prays to the toilet. It's not easy, but he loves every second of it.   
The older man works as much as he can to put away some money, refusing to be supported by Changmin. And he gets it, he really does, but it doesn't make him any less annoyed at the unnecessary stubbornness. After all he has more money than he can spend.  
They sometimes end up sleeping together, but they don't have sex. They talk and from time to time Yunho will allow for their hands to touch, but that's the most physical contact they have. At least until Changmin's next birthday when he is woken up with a blow job quickly followed by lazy fucking because Yunho's belly is already too big for anything more strenuous.   
It's Minjun who asks how Changmin wants to name his soon-to-be-born son, and he was ready to raise the child as his even if it wasn't biologically, but he wasn't ready to learn that it's really his baby. It makes sense with Jae's violent reaction and insisting on abortion, but he is surprised all the same.  
He doesn't cry, of course not.


	9. Start, camera...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but I'm too tired to read it again, I might fix it tomorrow~

Changmin is too smart to be a pornstar. He should be making big money working with his brain rather than body. Only his landlord doesn’t care how intelligent he might be, there are bills that need to be paid, and Changmin refused to keep taking money from his family. He is an adult, he should be able to support himself. But after he got fired from the last serious job he had – for getting into a fight with his boss, there really weren’t many employment options at the moment. He was desperate by the time he stripped for the camera for the first time and fucked some twink. At least it’s gay porn, he would do straight porn if it paid better, but it doesn’t, so at least he doesn’t have to pretend to be straight and gets to fuck guys. They tried to have him fucked once, it didn’t really work well.   
He is still looking for a better job, kind of. Every morning he goes through the ads before going for a run, but the truth is that porn is making him lazy. He works far less than any of his friends while earning more – but they don’t have to lie to everyone about their jobs. No one knows he is doing porn. His stage name is Max, and he wears enough make-up on screen to fool his mother, not that she will ever see any gay videos. She won’t, that’s absolutely impossible and the last thing Changmin wants to think about.   
He always watched a lot of porn. As an awkward teenager buzzing with hormones there weren’t many options for him, he had a really bad attitude, so the only way he could see any naked bodies was through porn. He managed to be in a few relationships as an adult, but porn was always useful. And now he sees it more often then he would like. It’s live which makes it a bit awkward, weird and sometimes cringeworthy, but there is something about porn in making that makes it hard to look away. Especially when he sees a pretty, tiny Japanese boy getting fucked by a tall, well-built guy. For some reason they are going at it bare, and Changmin’s dick twitches in his pants. He wouldn’t mind sliding his cock between the boy’s pouty lips.  
“Don’t even think about it, Keita will break all of your bones if you try,” a pleasant voice says next to him.  
“It’s porn, no one is exclusive,” Changmin says dismissively, eyes still glued to the small guy’s beautiful ass.  
“They are, no idea how they manage though.” Yunho is the one Changmin gets paired with more often than not. People love them together, but they are far from exclusive. They use condoms all the time, as far as he knows Yunho is a carrier, and there is no other protection for men.   
Changmin likes working with Yunho because the other man is strong enough not to get hurt when he is fucked roughly, but soft enough to be warm and welcoming. Changmin likes Yunho more than he is supposed to, and he even entertained the thought of dating him, but his co-star used to date JaeJoong who is their producer and also a total hunk. Changmin is hot, he has to be doing what he does, but he knows he doesn’t even compare to JJ. That’s why he never bothered to ask Yunho out. He is happy with fucking him stupid any chance he gets. 

Sex on screen is far from romantic, but it gets even worse when your partner starts pushing you away while whispering that the condom broke. Changmin pulls out, still relaxed from his orgasm, and sees that the condom indeed broke. That’s when he starts to panic, but Yunho – slightly older and a lot more experienced, gets a grip on his own emotions to take care of his. The company always has a stash of after-pills for situations like that, it’s not a big deal.   
Yunho smiles, he laughs, he starts looking tired under all that make-up he is wearing. From time to time his body looks kind of swollen. And then one day they have to stop shooting because the older man almost throws up while Changmin is riding his face. They never finish the movie, Yunho disappears for two weeks, and when he reappears it soon becomes really obvious that he is pregnant. Yet he works more than ever. Changmin is embarrassed to admit that he fails to immediately connect the pregnancy with the accident they had. Not after seeing Yunho shoot a scene with JaeJoong who really doesn’t have to do this. JJ caresses the slightly round belly like it’s his baby, but everything about the way Yunho starts avoiding Changmin screams that ‘it’s a little Shim!’ inside.   
The confrontation finally happens when the older man shoots a movie behind the closed doors. Closed doors mean very few people working on a movie which in turn means that it’s something more hardcore and kinky. It doesn’t sit well with Changmin, the knowledge that Yunho is doing things like that while pregnant. And he is right, the older man limps out of the room, fresh bruises littering his skin. He isn’t sad, but it still doesn’t sit well with Changmin. Not when he can see a swollen belly pushing against the t-shirt.  
“Is it mine?” it comes out harsher than he intends it to be, and he cringes on the inside. For a second Yunho looks like he is going to deny it, to lie, but then he lowers his eyes and simply nods, so Changmin follows with another uncomfortable question, just to get it all out, “Are you and JaeJoong dating again? Is he going to help you with the baby?”  
“No, no, it’s just… He… I need money, I need everything I can get,” Yunho admits. “I wasn’t so sure, but Jae convinced me to stick with porn, apparently some people get off on seeing pregnant people getting fucked.”   
“You don’t like it,” it’s obvious now, the way the older man’s body seems to be twitching, hands moving all the time, but he just has to say it. He never really thought about it before. Sure, Changmin thinks that being a pornstar is below him, but Yunho, with his happy-go-lucky attitude and bright smiles always seemed like he enjoyed work. But maybe his situation is just like Changmin’s, there simply wasn’t any other place to go.   
Yunho touches his arm reassuringly, but he doesn’t ask for help. And Changmin doesn’t offer because he is a coward.  
The next time they shoot a scene together Yunho’s belly can’t be hidden, it feels smooth and solid under Changmin’s hands. He can’t stop touching it, even the director encourages him to talk dirty about it. His ears burn in shame, but the words come easily to him. With Yunho’s hot, tight body surrounding him, it’s easy. He comes all over the bump and then licks it clean. He can feel the older man staring at him when he plants a big kiss right above his belly button.   
“I need a new job,” Changmin complains to his mother over a phone. She doesn’t know he got someone pregnant. She would worry. Worse, she would want to come and help with the baby.   
She falls silent before hesitantly saying, “I know you don’t want our help, but your dad’s friend is hiring now. In Seoul.” He almost refuses, too damn proud. He gets in trouble all the time because he is too proud, but this time he forces it down, goes to the interview and gets the job. Maybe, he will know in a week. He is pretty confident, it’s a family friend after all.   
Yunho looks happy when Changmin offers to buy him lunch. He looks even happier when Changmin drives him home and comes up to watch a movie. They fall asleep together without touching properly. It shouldn’t be as enjoyable as it is. 

“You shouldn’t really work anymore,” Changmin aims for casual, but he can feel his lips trying to stretch into a smile.  
“Yeah, I’m so fat,” Yunho frowns at his marvelous, thick thighs.  
“No. That’s not what I mean. Working is not good for your mental health.”  
“Maybe. But it’s good for my wallet.”  
Changmin sighs. Yunho is clearly not getting what he really means. He sits behind the older man to be able to press against the strong back, wrap his arms around Yunho’s stomach.  
“I got a job. A proper one, so you can quit, I will help.”  
“Is that why you punched Jae?”  
“Yeah. I really don’t care anymore, and he thinks he is going to be the baby’s father.”  
“And he isn’t?” Yunho is teasing, but Changmin decides to play along, much more relaxed now that his new life is starting.  
“As far as I know it’s our baby, no one needs Jae.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is lots of Japanese people in here because of reasons. Also, I have a hard time writing right now, so it's probably shit, but I wanted to finish it before I completely lose my motivation.
> 
> Who the f are these guys tho??? [gay1](http://postimg.org/image/t1bvzmurf/) [gay2](http://postimg.org/image/5kt7scny3/)

Yunho gets on a plane to Japan even before his plan is fully formed. He knows he can’t stay in Korea, and he has to get away from Changmin. This morning he woke up to finally find a bump too big for him to hide, realizing that he can no longer hide behind baggy clothes. His bag was already packed because he isn’t delusional. He wants vodka, but orders water when the flight attendant asks. He needs to deliver a healthy, strong baby, he’s been told.   
No one recognizes him at the Haneda airport, it says a lot about how bad he looks. Not because of the baby, this part is fine, no headaches or puking for him. It’s everything outside that’s killing him. Yunho has no idea where to go, his head is a mess. He has a flat here, but it’s also Changmin’s, so the younger man will immediately know where to find him. And that can’t happen. So he finally calls the only person he can think of that will keep quiet about everything and might even help. When he hangs up ten minutes later he feels hundred kilos lighter.  
When the cab finally stops he is surprised to see a house. He expected a flat since he vaguely remembers being in one years before. But his memory could be failing him, it was in a different life after all, before everything. He doesn’t hesitate before knocking, there is no point in doing that. He is there so he might as well go for it before paparazzi appear.   
“What..? Yunho?” Keita asks after he opens the door, completely baffled.   
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t go to a hotel, please let me in?” The Japanese man does, eyes softening at the obvious distress of his uninvited guest.   
“What happened?”  
“I’m so sorry,” Yunho repeats, “I, uh, got your address from JaeJoong, Changmin can’t know. No one can, only Soo Man.”  
“But why?” He could explain, but showing seems much more efficient, so he unzips the jacket and lets Keita see his rounded stomach. The other man stares at him for the unnervingly long time before he starts laughing.   
He asks, “What?” but Keita just gestures towards a room which turns out to be a kitchen. There are two other men inside, both Japanese, both pregnant. Despite his dire situation he can feel smile pulling at his lips. His host definitely has his hands full. Yunho recognizes one man as Ryuichi, Keita’s band mate, but he’s never seen the other one.   
“Is Kei crying in the hall?” Ryuichi asks, seemingly unbothered be the newest addition to the house.  
“I think he is feeling overwhelmed.”  
“Him? Overwhelmed? And who is carrying fucking babies?” Ryuichi snorts in disbelief, hands caressing the shaking belly. He must be at least five months along.  
“He is probably thinking about more mood swings,” the other Japanese man adds. “I’m Shinya.”  
“Yunho, nice to meet you.”  
“Food?”  
“Please.”  
They don’t ask any more questions, simply accepting him into the house. Ryuichi maneuvers around kitchen like he owns it, taking out ridiculous amount of ingredients. Then again there are four men and three babies to be fed. He probably has a better idea than Yunho how much food they are going to need. Recently, Yunho’s homemade meals consisted mostly of instant ramen and pizza. He is going to get fat anyway.   
He feels much calmer after eating a proper meal, heart no longer racing, mind clear. He expects a couch, so when Keita offers him a whole, comfortable room he almost cries. It’s mostly hormones’ fault, and maybe a little bit Changmin’s who recently treated Yunho like… He didn’t treat him at all because they didn’t really talk. There is something about Tachibana that reminds him of Changmin, only the older man is much nicer.

Yunho manages three hours of sleep before his anxiety wakes him up. He finally checks the phone finding twenty five missed calls. Fifteen from Changmin, six from Heechul, four from Boa. He decides to text Heechul and Boa with the excuse his manager came up with – apparently he had a skiing accident, and sends nothing to his band member. It’s better this way, he tells himself. Few more months, and it will be over. No bump, no baby, no problem.   
He goes to the kitchen hoping to find some ice cream. He is going to give Keita money for rent and food tomorrow. The older man might not need them, but Yunho’s pride is bruised enough as it is.  
Shinya and Ryuichi are already eating ice cream when he gets there, both wearing big t-shirts hiding their bellies. Yunho joins them with a tube of macadamia nut brittle ice cream he digs out of freezer. There is only ice cream in the freezer in all shapes and sizes. It’s his dreams coming true.   
“Akira, baby’s father, asked if it’s really his when I told him. He was scared, which I can understand, and not at all happy. Which sucked because, you know, I thought we would be in this together. It’s not like it was an Immaculate Conception, right? Well, anyway, here I am, eating ice cream in Keita’s kitchen because my taste in men sucks,” Shinya says, seemingly completely out of blue.   
“And you?”   
“Oh, I’m good,” Ryuichi admits. “Keita is the other dad, it’s our house. I had a bit of a rough start, almost lost the baby, but we are good now.”  
“Are you both keeping it?”  
“Yeah, sure. We have families, there are nannies. No one will know,” Shinya says easily. “You?”  
“Kind of. I’m giving it to my family.”  
“What?!”  
For a second, Yunho considers feeding them a lie. That he doesn’t want to keep it. That he missed a chance to have an abortion. But even though they don’t know him, they look genuinely concerned, so he tells them the truth.   
He starts with telling them about his weird, sexually charged relationship with Changmin that for many years stayed completely platonic. About Changmin finding a young, sweet girl to date. About getting drunk after one concert and fucking each other’s brains out. Yunho could deal with all of that, but younger man acted like a coward, leaving in the morning without a word, not talking to Yunho unless it was absolutely necessary. It made their working relationship terrible, even more so when Changmin continued to date his cute little girl who cooked perfect meals and spoiled him rotten. Yunho almost wanted morning sickness to be able to throw up all over them. He didn’t and, in the end, he didn’t tell Changmin. There was no point when the younger man clearly regretted the night they spent together.   
Lee Soo Man was surprisingly understanding. Maybe he expected it to happen, or maybe he knew that if Yunho is going to fuck up then he will fuck up majorly. When Soo Man that the Jung family could take care of the baby Yunho was too shocked to refuse. He thought he would be able to see his child more often than twice a year for holidays. But of course if they want to keep it secret from Changmin then no one at the company can know, only Yunho, Soo Man, his manager and parents who were supposed to ‘adopt some poor child’.   
“That’s harsh. Look, I can talk to Keita, we can take care of your baby. You spend a lot of time in Japan, you would be able to see it whenever you want. Think about it.”  
Shinya, sensing something special passing between the older men, leaves the kitchen with his ice cream. With just two of them, Yunho feels like he might be even more honest.  
“Sometimes I wonder whether I should have had an abortion.”  
“I had one. I got pregnant when I was eighteen, it was so dumb. I was having casual sex with this guy, not even a boyfriend. I thought about it, but in the end it was an easy decision. We were already pretty successful, but there was still so much work to be done, and I wasn’t ready to be a father just yet. I never told the guy.”  
“And Keita?”  
“It wasn’t his, why would I? It doesn’t influence our relationship. I have my secrets, he has his, we are good.”  
“Do you regret it?”  
“No. Not at all. But I was a child, Yunho. It’s fine when it’s your own decision. Sure, I was a little scared, but no one pressure me into anything. My situation was great, my company would never force me to get rid of it. It’s not okay if you want to do it because of other people. It’s your body, your future.”   
“I… thank you,” Yunho’s voice is shaking, and he realizes that he is crying. He feels relieved not sad, but he accepts a hug when Ryuichi’s arms wrap around him.   
“Wanna hear something nice?”  
“Always.”  
“Akira is totally going to try and win Shinya over again. I know those two dumbasses, it’s going to work out just fine for them.” 

Yunho’s never been alone in Japan. There’s always been someone Korean with him, most often Changmin. He has some Japanese friends, but it’s much different when you live with actual Japanese people. He didn’t think they would be so laid back. Keita is a little more reserved, but Ryuichi is like a small ball of positive energy, never one to shy away from crude jokes that make Yunho blush. It’s all surprisingly pleasant. He thought he would spend his days moping around, but he isn’t allowed to do that. He also thought that he wouldn’t be leaving house for the next few months, but Ryuichi drags him and Shinya out, and it makes him feel like they are some pregnant, undercover spies. It’s fun.   
Nights are more difficult even though they shouldn’t be. He never really got to do the things that couples do with Changmin, so there is nothing for him to miss. It doesn’t change the fact that nights make him sad. Once or twice he hears Keita and Ryuichi having sex, laughing quietly behind the closed doors when he aimlessly walks around the house. He stops to listen, for a few seconds, yearning for this kind of happy relationship before he realizes what exactly he is doing. Eavesdropping on his hosts like a pervert. What’s worse, he finds their moaning arousing, and his cock thickens a bit before he forces himself to move. At least ice cream helps, both with his bad mood and insistent erection.   
It takes him almost two weeks to discover that he isn’t the only one who has troubles sleeping, only Shinya is less obvious about it. Yunho googles the other man’s band before approaching him, feeling slightly ashamed of his ignorance. Shinya might pretend not to care, but Yunho knows how important it is to be appreciated. It’s something they both need at the moment. They end up sleeping together. In one bed, not even touching, just sleeping next to each other.   
They also talk a lot when it’s already dark enough to hide their faces. It’s a good way of killing time anyway, and Yunho is quite curious. He’s done his research, and he’s done it well.  
“Keita is married with a kid, right? So…”  
“Never ask Ryu about it, ever,” Shinya interrupts before he can finish his thought. “It’s a sore spot for him. In theory the company is alright with us being gay, but you know how it is. We can’t come out, have to play straight for the camera. And Keita is w-inds.’ front face, main vocal. So years ago they arranged him to ‘date’ Aya. Then they decided that Keita should marry. He did. And then Aya said that if she is going to be stuck in this fake relationship then she wants something for herself. A baby. And Keita gave her that, only everything had to be hush-hush, so I think they had sex for real. Ryuichi broke up with him for a year. I can only imagine how difficult it is to watch the person you love with someone else. Ryuichi was Keita’s first everything, it was so unfair.”  
Yunho’s heart clenches at that, eyes suddenly feeling wet. The Japanese man has no idea how much he can relate to the story’s been told. Yunho’s been there when no one else has, but in the end it hasn’t been enough. Because he is a man. And Changmin is scared.  
“What about your Akira?” he asks instead of delving further into the story.  
“That’s the problem, he never thought he was mine. Or that I was his. There used to be four of us, in the group. I dated Hiroki for years, but few years ago he decided that he isn’t good enough and left. Not me, just Lead. I wanted us to be fine, but after a while he got so bitter, he would mock my work, say nasty things about the band. He definitely wasn’t the person I fell for, so I left. It was hard at first, being single, but it got easier. Akira was always there, and he is so beautiful, you know? We started fucking, then dating. But he thought I was trying to forget about Hiroki, that I was using him.”  
“Were you?”  
“No. I love him. Just because you loved someone once doesn’t mean you have to stick to it forever. I can’t even be friends with Hiroki, how could I love him still? Akira’s insecurities got better of him.”  
“Have you told him?” Yunho tries to sound like he knows how to fix things. It’s a joke, he couldn’t fix his own band when it fell to pieces. He can’t even force himself to call Changmin.  
“Over and over again.”  
That’s something Yunho understands as well. For all his cockiness, Changmin can be very self-conscious. It’s been years, but he still from time to time drunk-dials Yunho asking whether the older man is going to leave DBSK for JaeJoong. The thing here is that he would never leave Changmin, even if it would be best for him. He knows he will crawl back to the younger man once the child is born, he is pathetic like that.  
It gets him thinking. The next time the phone rings, the baby inside Yunho kicks when he sees the caller’s name. These two things are not related, but he takes it as a sign that it’s the time to answer. He tries to sound calm and, judging from the thumbs up from Ryuichi, he manages quite well. His heart beats too fast, but his voice is as steady as ever.  
“Where the fuck are you? I can’t believe you just left me, you didn’t even answer my calls. What happened? Are you alright?” Changmin, on the other hand, sounds agitated. “And don’t lie to me about skiing, so far this is the biggest bullshit the company tried to tell me.”  
“I don’t know what you want me to say then. I had an accident, and now I’m resting at my friends’ house. It’s not a big deal, but I felt a bit weak before.”  
“Why are you doing this to me? I’m sorry I was an asshole about us, tell me where you are, I will come. We can talk then,” if Yunho didn’t know better he would think that the younger man is begging, but it can’t be true, Changmin doesn’t do begging.  
“It’s alright ‘Min, don’t worry.”  
“I broke up with her. I wasn’t ready then, but…”  
“No,” Yunho says sharply before ending the call, hands shaking. He explains what happened when Ryuichi looks at him inquiringly, but the other man still blinks at him owlishly when he is finished.   
“Dude, he was apologizing. And maybe something more as well. Why would you hang up on him.”  
“I can’t. I just can’t right now.”  
“Ah,” Ryuichi must think him silly, but he doesn’t show it.

***

Just like Ryuichi predicted, Akira comes for a visit dressed to kill and bearing gifts for everyone in the house. Someone must have told him that their number changed because even Yunho gets a small something. He has to admit that the boy is stunning with his pale skin and prominent cheekbones. He doesn’t get to enjoy this fine specimen for too long because Ryuichi slaps Akira’s pretty face before shoving him into Shinya’s room.  
They aren’t really eavesdropping, but they still manage bits and pieces when the two men shout. After some time there is a lot of silence, Yunho worries until Ryuichi tells him that they are most likely making out. And, yet again, the Japanese man is right. Akira and Shinya come out looking slightly disheveled and a lot happy. It means that Shinya is leaving them, and while Yunho is glad that everything worked out for the youngest man, he can’t help but feel sad about his bed…friend leaving.  
That night he wishes he could have a glass of wine before sleep, wine always makes him drowsy. But he is too responsible to put his baby in any danger, so he settles on reading emails he’s been neglecting. Changmin messaged him a lot more than Yunho would have ever expected. His first emails are mostly angry before they turn worried. The newest ones are quite desperate in tone. A small, vicious part of his brain feels victorious at this, at being able to hurt his bandmate. It only lasts for a few minutes before he sinks back into stagnation. He is big, fat and it will get even worst, if Changmin sees him now he will leave without looking back. After all he likes his partners cute and lean, not looking like beached whales.  
He tosses and turns for at least two hours before the door opens and someone comes into the room. It’s not Keita’s tall and slim figure. Yunho watches in silence as Ryuichi slowly, very slowly, gets under the covers. He can’t imagine being this short and having a belly so big, gravitation should be winning this fight. But not with this tough guy, Yunho finds it quite touching, not that he would ever tell anyone. The Japanese doesn’t explain his sudden appearance, he only says, “Kei thought it would be awkward if he came as well,” and that’s the end of their conversation for tonight.

“Let me in,” Yunho hears Changmin before he even sees him. The younger man sounds annoyed, the way he always does when he is on the edge of snapping. Ryuichi is talking to him, head being the only part of his body visible to their unexpected guest – the rest of it is hidden behind the heavy, wooden door.  
“And why would I do that?”  
“I’ve been told my friend is here, let me see him.”  
“I really don’t care what you’ve been told.”  
There is silence and for a second Yunho thinks that Changmin gave up, but then Ryuichi stumbles, almost falling down. The door opens revealing the Korean, Changmin must have pushed it.   
“You fucking do that again, and I’m calling the police,” the Japanese snarls.  
This is when something surprising happens. Changmin’s eyes are wide open when he touches Ryuichi’s prominent belly, presumably to make sure that he didn’t hurt the baby, “Oh shit, you are pregnant. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”  
“You better be. Could you stop stroking my stomach? It’s kind of creepy.”  
“Oh, sorry,” Changmin apologizes again, hands reluctantly leaving the bump. His eyes stay glued to it though. It’s cute how much in awe he seems to be, and Yunho lets out a quiet sigh. This is why he loves the other man, under the hard exterior there is a softer one that only few people get to see. Yunho feels honored to be one of them, but it’s a hard-earned privilege.   
“Yunho,” Changmin says softly, finally noticing him. “You too.”  
It’s not really a question, but he nods anyway, suddenly feeling shy. He wants to be angry at his friend, but all fight leaves him when he sees dark circles under Changmin’s eyes.  
“If you told earlier, I wouldn’t have waited so long to break up with her,” Yunho appreciates the fact that Changmin doesn’t use her name around him. It makes him think that maybe she wasn’t as important as he always thought she was.  
“Why? It was a mistake, you clearly showed me by never talking about it.”  
“It’s not easy for me, being gay.”  
“You are bisexual, ‘Min.”  
“No. That’s the thing. I’m not. I’m gay,” Changmin tiredly admits. Yunho wants to slap him for all the girls he fucked to, apparently, make everyone believe that he likes women. Or to make himself believe that he can be happy with them.  
“Look, I’m leaving it with my family or with Keita and Ryuichi after it’s born, so it doesn’t matter. We will go back to what we were before.”  
“And what would that be? Me pining after you like a teenager? Thanks, but I would rather not do that.”  
“You weren’t talking to me!”  
“Because you ran before I could! I’m sorry I acted weird, but you know me, I suck at communication! It takes me ages to express myself, and it’s not fucking easy to tell someone that you love them. It’s also not easy to break up with someone when you feel guilty, okay. So I’m sorry that I’m so slow, but you left me without giving me a chance.”  
Yunho could point out that the younger man had more than enough time. Being slow isn’t exactly the best excuse, even if it’s true. But the way he sees it, he has only two choices. He can refuse Changmin’s apology and confession, make him work for it. Or he can accept it. The first option is tempting, it would teach the other man a lesson, but it would also mean days or weeks of separation. Yunho really feels the weight of everything, not just his belly, and if there is one thing that JYJ’s leaving taught him, it’s that sometimes you have to let things go. It’s not going to magically fix everything, but they can work it out together. And Changmin’s hand feels so good when it finally touches his stomach, reassuring. Maybe he won’t have to leave the baby, maybe he can keep it.   
“I hate to spoil your touching, if a little overdue, reunion, but my waters broke few minutes ago, so maybe you could drive me to the hospital? And someone call Keita, I’m not suffering through this alone.”


	11. Chapter 11

Having a baby is hard. He thought he knew how hard it was going to be from listening to his mother and her horror stories, but he was wrong. Even with Changmin around Yunho finds himself sleeping two, three hours a night. Mostly because Changmin is awful with their son. No, ‘awful’ doesn’t cover it, he is terrible. He always seemed a bit awkward around children, but Yunho hoped that it will somehow be better when it’s their own child. It’s not. Every time the younger man changes Minjun’s diaper it’s a disaster, putting him to sleep could use a lot of work, and bathing isn’t even worth mentioning. Changmin is learning, but it’s a slow and frustrating process for both of them. Yunho just wants to be able to rest, he even considers flying his mom to Tokyo, but dismisses the idea – she raised three kids, that’s more than enough. This one is on them. People do it all the time, it shouldn’t be this hard.  
At least they aren’t completely alone. Whenever life with a baby gets a bit too much they go to the Ogata-Tachibana house, and even though they end up with two babies, at least there are four more hands to help, sometimes even six if Ryuichi’s sister is around. It’s unbelievable how good Keita is with babies, he has Minjun cooing sweetly in seconds, he doesn’t even find holding two infants difficult. Yunho can’t help but feel a bit jealous. He doesn’t say anything to Changmin about it, but the younger man probably knows.  
“You are lucky that he is so good with Kazuki,” he nods in Keita’s direction, but instead of looking happy, Ryuichi’s face freezes.  
“Yes. Always exceptionally good with all babies, that’s Tachibana for you. Excuse me.”  
The Japanese leaves the room avoiding his partner when he tries to grab his arm. Yunho mumbles an apology, not knowing what exactly he is apologizing for.   
“Funny that you also had a boy,” Changmin says trying to break the awkward silence.  
“Yes, well, Ryu wanted a boy.”  
“It really doesn’t work like this,” Changmin is clearly amused by the idea. Yunho hopes he isn’t going to start a rant about genetics.  
“Try to tell that to him. He wanted a boy, so he got himself one.”  
“I never thought that Ryuichi would be, um, like that. He has a sister,” Yunho frowns at the idea. The last thing _he_ cared about was baby’s gender. The only thing that he wanted was for it to be healthy.   
“I already have a daughter. That’s why, okay, not because he hates women. I’m seeing her today because Aya wants us to have a good relationship,” Keita’s voice cracks, and he looks like he might start crying.  
It explains Ryuichi’s reaction, Yunho can’t blame him for that. He suddenly realizes that even though Changmin is far from perfect, at least he doesn’t have any past that will haunt them forever. Yunho will take the clumsiness and short fits of anger over constantly worrying about another family in his partner’s life. Because no matter what, Keita will always feel something for Aya and her baby, it can’t be avoided, and if Ryuichi wants to be with him then he has to accept it. 

Keita leaves before five, and they find Ryuichi exercising in the home gym. He gave birth only three months ago, yet his body is in a ridiculously good shape. Some of it probably comes from being fit before pregnancy, but it’s never enough. Yunho wonders whether it hurts, his body still aches from time to time. Granted, he gave birth only a month ago, but he still doesn’t think anyone should be working out this hard three months after they were cut open. He looks at Changmin, trying to see whether his partner thinks the same, and finds something unexpected. The younger man is eyeing Ryuichi like the Japanese is a piece of candy, and Yunho feels like he’s been slapped. He also finds Ryuichi attractive, he isn’t blind, but he can’t imagine lusting after him or Keita. His partner doesn’t seem to share the same sentiment, judging from the way he is staring at Ryu’s body.  
“Why are you exercising?” Changmin asks, probably trying to cover up his staring. Or give himself an excuse for it.  
“I need to be a good shape before our next appearance. It’s in three weeks.”  
“You are going back to work?” jealousy forgotten, Yunho finds it too ridiculous to believe. They aren’t shop assistants or office workers, their work requires a lot of physical strength, and he might not be a doctor, but it doesn’t seem very sensible.   
“I have to. You stopped working late in your pregnancy, I worked for two weeks before I started bleeding.”   
It’s common knowledge that companies speak the language of money. No group can afford to stay inactive for this long, but they should be able to understand how hard it will be on Ryuichi. Deep down Yunho knows that if he were in Ryu’s situation SM wouldn’t hesitate to exploit his still sore body either. In theory this is what they sign up for, in reality it’s not something you consider when you are a teenager. You think about money and fame, and not the dark sides that come with them. Maybe their parents should, but they couldn’t predict that their kids would turn out gay. In Yunho’s case it’s the last thing his parents wanted him to be, but that’s neither here nor there.  
He looks at Ryuichi’s strong arms and flat stomach, sweat collecting on his sharp collarbones, and instead of lust he feels sorry for his friend. It’s the body he always wanted, but in this case the cost is a little too high. That’s what they do, though, they sing, and smile, and dance, dance to their company’ tunes. 

“Keita is going to kill you,” Yunho tells Changmin without turning from what he is doing – changing Minjun’s diaper. Right now he has no patience to let his partner do it.   
“I’m offended that you think I wouldn’t be able to take him down,” the younger man does sound mildly offended.  
“You really wouldn’t.”  
“Hey! And why would he want to kill me anyway?”  
“Because you want to fuck Ryuichi,” Yunho tries to sound calm and composed, but it’s impossible to achieve when your heart might be breaking. The following silence makes him close his eyes and count to ten. Breathing exercises are the key is situations like that, that’s what his therapist said. In and out, in and out, until your heart stops racing and eyes stop burning. Yunho is so preoccupied with trying not to fall apart that he startles when Changmin hugs him from behind, the sharp lines of younger man’s body comforting against his back.   
“Why are you saying this?”  
“I saw the way you looked at him. I know he is…”  
“Shh,” Changmin’s slim fingers rest on Yunho’s lips. “I was admiring his determination. And I’m worried, am I not allowed to do that?”  
“You are, but…”  
“Ryuichi is sexy, that’s true, but I like my men tall and with a bit of a boob,” the last part is followed by a boob squeeze which should enrage Yunho, but he settles on elbowing his lover in the ribs. Not too hard, just enough to make him understand that it’s still a sensitive subject.   
Changmin sounds sincere, and although Shim is a great liar, Yunho prides himself in always being able to tell when the younger man is lying. They’ve been friends long before they became lovers, there is no one else in the world he knows better.   
“I will never leave you,” Changmin adds, not letting go. It’s another thing Yunho knows about him – his partner is fiercely loyal. He proved it many times before, the unwavering presence next to Yunho. Now that it’s just the two of them and their baby without anyone distracting him, he realizes that maybe his own insecurities like to play mind games with him. Yunho’s approach from the very beginning was ‘fake it till you make it’, and while he mostly made it, his confidence isn’t always what you would expect from a Korean idol. He is more than aware of his flaws, and apparently it makes him vulnerable to imagining things. When he was a child he used to spend hours thinking about things that could go wrong with his plans, but back then he didn’t share with anyone, not wanting to worry them. It’s different with Changmin, he wants to share everything. He never felt the same way about JaeJoong, but with ‘Min he wants everything to be crystal clear between them. He needs to let things go and finally allow himself to be happy.


	12. Million dollar baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yunho looses a baby, JaeJoong is a dick and for once, Changmin isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's also a bit of a b-day gift for Kazuki. <3 Hope you enjoy!

Yunho is twenty nine years old. It’s been a week since he showered. Two months since he’s left home. Three months since his divorce. Almost five months since his baby boy died.  
It’s not his fault. It happened while he was at work and Kiwoo was at home with his nanny. There was a fire, it spread quickly, took over the whole floor, but only two people died. Kiwoo and his nanny Jeong. Yunho didn’t want to, couldn’t believe that it happened to his little boy, he was only two years old, not even old enough to stay home alone, definitely not old enough to die. Yunho cried so much that his whole face swelled, and he couldn’t see, but JaeJoong… JaeJoong raged like a wounded lion who lost his cub. And he blamed Yunho because JJ always wanted him to be a stay at home dad. He doesn’t think that would make any difference, he is sure Jeong did everything she could to save them both. Yunho would have died too. It would be better than grief that took over him, the overwhelming sadness that almost makes him feel empty. But it still hurts that Jaejoong would rather see him dead.  
It’s not his fault, but it feels like it is. He got divorced two months after Kiwoo died because JJ wanted a quick divorce. He got a lot of money out of it, that’s how much Jae wanted him gone, but it means that he lost both his son and a husband, and no amount of money can make up for the crippling depression he acquired. Yunho is a twenty nine year old divorcee with a dead son who can afford not to work. What a win.  
His friends tried to be supportive, but they couldn’t understand what he is going through, so slowly, one by one, they left. They still email him cat videos and text every once in a while, but they stopped trying to get him out of the house. It’s alright, he doesn’t really want to be in his own company either. Sometimes, when it’s really late, and he can’t sleep, he stares at the multiple pills that he got from his psychiatrist when he was still seeing her. It seemed like a good idea, but when he researched it he discovered how many things could go wrong, and the last thing he wants is to end up not dead, but sick.  
“Open the fucking door, I know you are inside ‘cause you never fucking leave!” a familiar voice shouts outside of his door, and Yunho considers waiting it out. But he knows that he can never win with Heechul who is the unstoppable, unavoidable force. He doesn’t want to face his friend, not when he is in pieces, hair in greasy strands, clothes too big and stained with whatever food he’s been eating, although he doesn’t remember eating much.  
Heechul takes one look at him before saying, “Go shower, we are going out.”  
“I can’t…”  
“You can, and you will. You can’t torture yourself over something that isn’t your fault.”  
It is his fault, but there is no point in arguing. His friend isn’t above using force, and while there used to be a substantial difference in size few months ago, now they are more or less the same size. Yunho lost… some weight. He only realizes how many kilos he’s lost when he puts fresh clothes on, and they don’t fit. They used to be a bit tight on him, accentuating his thick thighs and muscled arms. Now they look just sad, no one would look at him twice. Good, there is nothing to see.  
The sadness in Heechul’s eyes is mixed with determination when the door closes after them.  
Yunho expects a wild club of some sort, Heechul loves how easy they are, a hunting ground for people like him. They were never his scene, but _before_ he didn’t mind being a sidekick. His friend surprises him by taking him to a bar rather than a club, and it’s unusually classy for the fun-loving, sex-seeking Heechul. The reason for this becomes obvious when Siwon greets them with a smile and worried eyes before leading them to one of the very few empty tables. The music is quiet enough that they can have a conversation, and Yunho doesn’t immediately feel like running away which is what he expected. Siwon talks about work and football, Heechul pretends to know about football, and no one mentions anything family, children or love related. Yunho didn’t even realize he missed his closest friends, but it becomes apparent now. They make him feel a little better, even if they have to avoid certain topics. He appreciates the distraction, even if the memory is still, always, sitting in a back of his mind. But at least he isn’t suffocating in an empty flat, staring at pictures of a life he used to have. Heechul and Siwon don’t let him think about it for more than few seconds, he will have to find a way to thank them for putting up with him. 

There is a guy staring at their table. Tall and doe-eyed which should indicate that he is Yunho’s type, Jae’s eyes were always the prettiest to him, but his ears stick out a bit too much, and he looks a little too lanky. Not that it matters because he is obviously interested in Heechul. Everyone is interested in his friend, and Heechul is interested in everyone. There is no type with the older man, all types are good as long as they have dicks, but even that’s not a real prerequisite. Yunho used to envy and admire his friend for how free and true to himself he was, since Yunho himself never had any game. He also didn’t know how to sleep with someone without forming an attachment, ‘casual’ just doesn’t, or didn’t, exist in his vocabulary.  
When the man finally approaches them it becomes obvious that he is few years younger than them. His face is still fresh, and for a second Yunho feels embarrassed. He knows that there are dark circles under his eyes, the lack of sleep highlighting every small wrinkle he has. But at least both Heechul and Siwon look handsome, and in the end nothing else matters.  
“Can I buy you a drink?”  
Yunho stares at his hands, not wanting to make Heechul feel obliged to stick with him, but then he gets elbowed by his oldest friend. When he glares at him, Heechul not-so-subtly hisses, “are you going to answer him?”  
“Who? Me?”  
“Well, yes, uh,” the stranger stutters out. “We could sit by the bar, talk a bit.”  
Heechul almost pushes him out, and this time his voice is a very quiet whisper when he tells him to, “fuck the hottie’s brains out”. Yunho is not going to fuck anyone anytime soon, but he remembers his therapist saying that he should try to make new friends, and that’s exactly what he is going to do. Make a friend while drinking whiskey.  
He learns that the man’s name is Shim Changmin, he is twenty four and owns the bar they are currently sitting in. Four whiskey’s later, two too many for Yunho’s mostly empty stomach, he also learns that Changmin is fucking ripped. He learns it because they end up in the younger man’s apartment, Changmin rims and fingers him for twenty minutes before fucking him like a stallion. Yunho is drunk, he wants to cry, or maybe throw up, and he comes so hard that he blacks out, only to wake up to Changmin still fucking him stupid.  
He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, just like he didn’t mean to have sex with the other man in the first place and yet it happened. He wakes up around seven, looking around in panic before he remembers where he is. He always wakes up at seven because Kiwoo used to do it too, they would prepare breakfast together before JJ would join them. Now he finds himself in some random guy’s flat, naked and sore.  
He is almost completely dressed when Changmin stirs and then blinks at him sleepily. His eyes are and face are a bit puffy from sleep, it’s a cute contrast between the strong shoulders and a rock hard six pack.  
“You were going to sneak out?”  
“Um, isn’t that how hook ups work? I’m sorry, I don’t do that… ever.”  
“Well, yeah, usually. But I really enjoyed yesterday, so I thought that maybe you could stay for another round, and then we can have a casual breakfast?”  
Yunho’s mind screams at him to leave, but his body doesn’t listen. His cock is already stirring in his pants. It doesn’t matter, he reasons with himself, he’s already done it with a guy too young, too free for him. One more time won’t change a thing.  
It ends up changing something. Changmin steals his phone number while he is showering, and then proceeds to invite him over. For sex. But they’re no longer teenagers, and it’s hard not to talk after you fucked and you’re waiting for your dick to get hard again. So they end up talking, Yunho wouldn’t exactly call it swapping stories because he mostly listens to Changmin, not wanting to reveal too much. It’s not like there is much to tell. The other man is a successful businessman while Yunho is a complete, utter mess. He can tell that sometimes Changmin wants to ask, but he shuts him off as fast as he can, and the younger man is considerate enough not to press the issue.  
Heechul’s smile borders on creepy when he learns that Yunho is sleeping with the ‘bar hottie’. He never liked JJ, and even without knowing Changmin he already thinks that the young man is a better match. He is well aware of the fact that Yunho is too soft not to catch feelings, and Yunho hates his friend for being right. Show him a little bit of affection, and he already considers himself in love. After four months. What a fucking joke he became. But he is starved, a hole in his chest just won’t mend on its own, so he allows himself to enjoy Changmin for as long as he can.  
Which isn’t that long. Two things happen almost at once. Changmin invites him to a business party, claiming that he can’t stand all those stiff, serious people. As if he isn’t a perfect businessman when he has to be. The other thing is that Yunho starts throwing up. From six to ten he is basically glued to the toilet, unable to move. He immediately recognizes the signs, he’s been through this before. He is pregnant. They used protection, but he still got pregnant. Of course his body would destroy the only good thing he has in life. That’s what he always does. He is not going to tell ‘Min. The other man is too young, too busy to have a kid with a guy he’s met four months ago. But Yunho won’t have an abortion. He can’t, even thinking about it makes his whole body ache. 

The party is a complete disaster from the very beginning. Yunho doesn’t know how to dress nice, he never had to think about it. JaeJoong accepted his… eclectic style. Everyone else looks like they stepped out of a catwalk, including Changmin. Yunho feels small in comparison, even though his whole body feels bloated from the life growing inside of him. His companion’s smile is so bright that it almost hurts his eyes, and he doesn’t understand why the other man doesn’t see how different they are.  
He chokes on an apple juice he’s been drinking when JaeJoong comes up to them with a pretty new thing on his arm. It’s a girl, no older than nineteen. Yunho knows why. She is young and beautiful, and strong enough to carry a healthy baby. A replacement. The tiny life in his belly is an accident, but he knows that JJ fucked this girl over and over again to get her pregnant. Maybe he will marry her, maybe he will throw her away. He doesn’t love her, that’s for sure. His eyes betray him when they linger on Yunho for too long while he exchanges pleasantries with Changmin.  
“This is my partner, Jung Yunho,” the young man introduces him, and he almost laughs.  
Jaejoong does laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners, “I know, we used to be married.”  
Yunho sees the exact moment Changmin connects the dots. Of course he knows about Jae’s tragic story, everyone in the business knows. But back then Yunho was a Kim too, so he didn’t make a connection. Now it clicks, and Changmin’s hand painfully squeezes his elbow.  
It’s another two hours before they can leave, and the ride to Changmin’s flat is really quiet. The younger man speaks up after they stop in front of his place. “Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“It’s hard to talk about it. I didn’t even know we were dating until you told JJ that I’m your partner.”  
“Right,” Changmin snorts. “You didn’t fucking know. How could you not know, I’m pretty sure I’m rather obvious. Maybe you didn’t want to know. Maybe you’re still in love with JaeJoong. Or maybe you were looking for another guy to milk.”  
“How dare you?” Yunho sobs out, unable to stop himself. He never expected this level of cruelty. It’s unfair. He doesn’t need the money, he never even asked ‘Min to buy him anything. Money is the last thing he wants.  
He runs, it’s the only thing he can think of. He just needs to get away, run as far as he can. He has to stop after few minutes because he has to throw up, he’s never felt so embarrassed before. People stare at him while he empties his stomach, judging him silently. They probably think he is a drunk waste of space, and they’re almost right.  
His flat is dark and empty, and when he goes to bed, instead of falling asleep he stares at the pictures of Kiwoo on the nightstand. This is why he never invited Changmin to his place. He would have to hide all the pictures, and he isn’t ready to do that. He can’t put Kiwoo in a box and forget he had a son once. He is not like JJ, he’s spent nine months carrying Kiwoo. He will never forget, even when the new baby comes. But he hopes it will be a little girl.  
Changmin keeps messaging him and leaving voicemails. Apologizing for what he’s said. Yunho knows the younger man didn’t mean it. He was shocked, surprised, and he is still very young, doesn’t know how to control his emotions. Yunho isn’t mad at him, it’s better for everyone involved to just stop this… thing they had. He doesn’t particularly want to cause the other man any more emotional distress than he already did.  
After a week of constant messaging comes a week of complete radio silence, and the last thing he expects is Changmin knocking on his door at seven in the morning, holding two cups of coffee and a bag from the French bakery down the street. Yunho loves their pastries, but he doesn’t allow himself to eat it because he puts on weight just from drinking water.  
“How did you..?”  
“Heechul,” Changmin says before he can finish the sentence. The younger man opens the door wider and lets himself in, ignoring Yunho’s quiet ‘hey!’  
Yunho follows the other man to the kitchen and watches him set the table. He never uses utensils to eat pastry, but Changmin makes it look like they are about to eat a fancy dinner.  
“He also told me about the baby, claiming that you’re too scared.”  
He really can’t look Changmin in the eye, when he says, “That’s not it. I just thought it would be better if you didn’t know, don’t want to ruin your life, you’re too young.”  
“I understand, but it should’ve been my decision, not yours. You are right, maybe I’m a bit too young to have a child, but I knew it was a possibility, okay? You have sex, someone may end up pregnant. And I always knew that I want to have a kid one day, I’m wealthy enough, I don’t really see a problem.”  
“It’s me, I’m the problem. We’re not… I’m not… You can do better.”  
“Not really, I’m an asshole, no one but you can stand me,” the younger man finally smiles, eyes getting all mismatched and cute. Yunho really wants to kiss him, but Changmin beats him to the punch, pressing a short, sweet kiss to his lips. “And believe it or not, I’m in love with you.”  
It’s hard to believe, but Changmin isn’t afraid of speaking his thoughts, so it might be true.  
“No JaeJoong though. If I see him around you again, I’m going to punch him in his smug, ugly face for what he’s done.”  
Later, after all that’s left is sweet crumbs on their plates, Yunho talks about Kiwoo. And Changmin listens like it means something to him.  
Maybe this time Yunho got it right.


End file.
